Was it Worth it in the End?
by writermarie
Summary: A response to a one-time challenge re: Abbey's reaction to John Hoynes' affair and resignation. An exploration of trust, friendship and what happens when those things are taken for granted. Not complete Will post more soon.
1. Default Chapter

Title: "Was It Worth It In the End?" 1/? Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Genre: response to challenge: Abbey's reaction to Hoynes' affair/resignation Spoilers: Up to Season 4-Life on Mars Rating: Um..R for one word, I think.the f-bomb Notes: Hope this helps to break the writer's slump I've been in lately. Feedback: I'm not one for begging.but please???  
  
I wonder if he thinks it was worth it.  
I mean his cheating on Suzanne didn't come as a big shocker when Jed told me the news in a broken and defeated voice.  
Disappointment doesn't even begin to cover what he and Leo are feeling right now.  
So, now we need a new Vice President.  
All because John decided to sleep with some woman who now thinks she can write a best seller.  
Apparently, she knows how to get a man to talk, though.  
Helen Baldwin brought down an institution.  
All for a damn book deal.  
Like this administration hasn't given enough fodder for tell-all novelettes.  
What I don't understand in all of this is his choice of lovers. John could have his pick of women here. It doesn't make sense: John and Helen.  
I always thought John and CJ would have hooked up somehow by now. Those two have the same passion and fire. You can see it when they disagree-and that was often enough. Sparks would fly from their eyes.  
Of course, Donna could have been an ideal choice, on a certain level. Young, blonde, a certain wistful naiveté. She has all of this down-home type charm on the exterior that grabs most men's attention. Had John decided to bed her, though, he may have been in for a bit of a shock, I suspect.  
But, she was too close to Josh the Enemy. John has never forgiven Josh for leaving him for Jed. The cutting blow was swift and sudden. Jed's winning the nomination was simply salt in a deep and festering wound for John.  
One, it seems, not even a good doctor like myself could heal.  
Lord knows I tried. How many times did I quietly play go-between between John and Jed? No calculator can compute that high.  
I was the one who convinced Jed that John should be the Vice President. But, how many people know that? Other than Jed, only one: Leo, of course. That damn man. He knows everything.  
Not even Leo saw this one coming.  
I should have seen this one a mile away. But I didn't.  
I could have talked some sense into the man. I did it at least once before.  
  
The night Jed asked him to be Vice President wasn't an easy one. John's pride was demolished, and maybe rightfully so. Then, to hear Jed's medical disclosure-it was too much to bear. He left Jed standing there in the hotel suite, without so much as a clue as to what he was thinking.  
I have to admit, that endeared me to John. Not many people get away with that. I like anyone who stands up to my husband.  
So, while Jed and Leo huddled and ping-ponged between "Will he or won't he?" I took it upon myself to go find John and confront him myself.  
After searching high and low, I finally found him outside by the pool. He stood at the water's edge, staring at nothing in particular.  
"A little late and a bit overdressed for a swim," I commented as I approached slowly from behind.  
He didn't even flinch. "Leave it to you to find me, Abbey."  
"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not, so I'll just accept it as one," I continue, not intimidated at all.  
John sighed deeply. "How did this happen? I had it sewn up."  
"I don't know. I've wondered that myself, too, you know."  
"You?" he asked with an eyebrow raised.  
"Yeah. He supposedly entered the race to have his voice and platform heard. That was all. It was never supposed to be like this."  
He turned to face me. "I thought that you had more pull with him than that," he challenged.  
Part of me wanted to crack him across the face. The rest of me simply stood there and smirked. "I thought I did, too."  
Silence fell between us.  
"John, you don't think he'll make a good president?" I asked him sincerely. I really wanted to know his opinion.  
He didn't answer me.  
"Of course, I know that you don't think he'd be as good as you," I continued with a touch of knowing the obvious in my voice.  
He looked right into my eyes. "I think it's not right to deceive the public, Abbey."  
"Oh, please, John. That's what this whole damn game of politics is about."  
"That's not fair, Abbey!" he countered with a shout.  
"You're telling me!" I return just as sharply.  
John was relentless. He didn't give an inch as he continued the conversation. "You've always been one for being forthcoming and true to one's self."  
"You don't know a thing about me!" I marveled. "Nothing other than what your spin people have concocted and tried to sell to the American people."  
John bit his lip before answering. "Abbey.."  
"Don't be a fucking hypocrite, John! Your world and Jed's world is all about perception and has little to do with truth. You know just as well as anyone else that if Jed disclosed the MS, he wouldn't have had a shot in hell." I hesitated, wondering if I should continue. "But, then again, that wouldn't have broken your heart, right?"  
"You think I'm happy that your husband is sick?"  
"He's not sick!"  
"Denial doesn't suit you, Abbey. A doctor knows better than to lean on denial."  
"Don't you dare start with me about." I began bitterly.  
"He's not sick now, but he could become very ill. And then what happens, Abbey? Quite frankly, I'm confused that he convinced you to cover this up."  
"There's a lot about me that would surprise you, John."  
John gave me a smile that I couldn't put my finger on. "I doubt that."  
I felt a bit uncomfortable. "Are you going to give Jed an answer?"  
"When I'm ready."  
"You are a piece of work, John. Vice President isn't anything to sneeze at, you know."  
I could tell John was getting angry. His face had started to become flushed. "You aren't settling for second, Abbey."  
I laughed out loud. "Are you that narrow in your scope, Senator?" I chided. "If by some miracle he's elected, I give up everything: my practice, my home, my life. And if he gets caught, it could be ten times worse! So don't preach to me about settling for anything!"  
Quiet took over once more.  
"You'll be a shoo-in for President in four years, John," I add quietly.  
"Four years? If he's elected, he'll run for re-election. Last time I checked, that makes eight years."  
I swallow hard. "He won't."  
"I'm sorry?"  
"He won't run for re-election," I clarified.  
"He won't? And what assurances do I have of that?" he inquired.  
"Mine. You have my assurance."  
"I'm afraid that's not quite enough to leave me satisfied."  
I felt a shiver run through my body. There was most definitely a chill in the air, I remember thinking to myself. That explained my physical reaction.  
I took in a deep breath. "What do you want?"  
"Four years," he answered. "I want a promise that I will only have to wait four years. But from him, not from you."  
"My word isn't good enough for you?"  
"You're not going to be president, Abbey. I may disagree with a lot that your husband does or says, but, I know he's a man of his word. If he promises.I'll agree."  
"What am I? Your political broker?" I seethed.  
"Why are you here, Abbey?"  
It was a simple question. It was too bad that I didn't have a simple answer.  
So I gave none.  
"Did you come here to appease me?" he pressed.  
"If you're implying that Jed sent me here."  
John laughed out loud. It was deep and filled the air with its resonance. "Not a chance. You're no man's lap dog. At least not in that way."  
"I'm no man's lap dog, period," I point out, almost insulted at his inappropriate innuendo.  
"Of course," he defended sheepishly.  
"You might be able to be condescending to the women in your campaign or your office or whatever, but I won't tolerate that one bit."  
"Oh, I know and I wouldn't dream of doing it." His voice was smooth and soft now. I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not.  
"How did he land you?" John asked me suddenly.  
"Pardon me?"  
"How did he wind up with you?  
"I should ask you how you wound up with Suzanne," I evaded.  
John rolled his eyes. "Her father thought she'd make a good match for me. I was junior partner in his firm. He saw fit to introduce us. I saw fit to pursue her. She saw fit to let me. It was a great arrangement for everyone involved." He said that as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world, and like it hardly mattered at all to him.  
But, I knew that the words and tone were deceiving. How, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was his eyes. There was a glistening within them.a hint of a few tears refusing to let the real emotions of this man through.  
"I see."  
"How about you and Jed?" he prompted trying quickly to change the subject.  
I let him slide by. I could tell this wasn't something to pry into. "Long story short? I seduced him away from a religious calling, harlot that I am." The words came out of nowhere. I should have been embarrassed by my candor. But, I wasn't.  
"A religious calling?" John repeated, wide eyed. "Jed was going to be a priest?"  
"He went to Notre Dame. Doesn't take an Einstein to figure that one out."  
"I suppose not." John regarded with a different kind of twinkle in his eye now. "Again, it doesn't surprise me that you'd lure a man away from the priesthood. Seems to me like you'd have the ability to lure a man away from any kind of vow."  
I coughed, trying to clear the sense of uneasiness I felt. "Four years?" I offered.  
John looked confused for a moment, as if the topic shift was too abrupt. "Only if he gives me his word."  
I nod. "I'll let him know. Where can I find you?"  
"Right here. I'll be here waiting for you."  
And for some reason, the sound of that caused me to depart quicker than I normally would.  
He unnerved me.  
But, I knew he was the right man for the job-both as VP and eventually as President of the United States.  
  
But, that's all over now.  
I headed back to the White House as soon as Jed called me. He told me Hoynes was convinced he had to resign. I was coming back for Zoey's graduation next week, anyway. Cutting my trip short was no big deal.  
I thought John would change his mind. On that Jed and I agreed.  
We were both wrong.  
We got the call at 4am that he would be submitting his resignation at 6am, sharp.  
I'm glad I came back.  
John Hoynes threw it all away.  
It makes no sense to me.  
His goals were too high. His mind too sharp.  
He threw it all away.  
After all he's been through.  
After all I've done for him.  
So, instead of going to my office first thing when I returned earlier today, I immediately go down the corridor and head for the VP's office.  
The staff's faces are grim. Boxes are being packed by assistants, even those who may stay after the new VP is appointed and confirmed.  
Yet, the sea of people part as I make my way toward John's door.  
I need to know why he's done this.  
I deserve to know.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Was it Worth It in the End? (2/?)  
  
Author: Marie E. Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com)  
  
Genre: Challenge fic. Abbey's response to Hoynes' Resignation  
  
Spoilers: Through Season 4 (esp. Life on Mars)  
  
Rating: R for language  
  
Notes: Yes, I did it again.This was supposed to be a 2 parter, which is now longer..One day I'll do it.It's a goal of mine.  
  
Summary: "Maybe he would have more pause for thought had he felt part of the team to begin with."  
  
The packing of boxes rattles me a little.  
  
No one likes moving.  
  
Although, if I stop and think for a moment, the thought of moving from this place back to New Hampshire causes my heart to flutter for a split second.  
  
I have three and a half more years before that flutter becomes fact.  
  
This type of packing, though-the unplanned "what do I do with my life now" variety is distressing to watch: especially when it comes to the assistants.  
  
"Jeanene," I greet quietly as I make my way to her desk. I can see the tears in her eyes as I stand in front of her.  
  
"Mrs. Bartlet," she replies, genuinely surprised that I would be here at this ungodly hour.  
  
I want to ask how she is, but I know that's an insanely ridiculous question. Besides, I can see it all over her face. She's hurt, angry, betrayed. I had the same look on my face when Jed broke his promise to not run for re-election. Jeanene, it appears, also tries to mask her emotions.  
  
Neither one of us are very good at it, I'm afraid.  
  
"Is he in?" I ask.  
  
She nods and goes to the door, opens it and steps back to her desk. No announcement of who is here, just a silent look of "Go on in." I nod in her direction, giving her a small, empathetic smile and then enter the room.  
  
"Jeanene, I thought I told you not to disturb me," John says in a low, but brittle tone. He's facing the window behind his desk, watching the rain pour down.  
  
I lick my lips and swallow, preparing myself for a conversation that I know will not be easy. "I'm not here to disturb you," I state, as I shut the door behind me.  
  
John turns abruptly. "Abbey! I wasn't expecting to see you."  
  
I decide to just go for broke. "Well, I'm pretty damn sure you weren't expecting to see Helen Baldwin now, were you?"  
  
Immediately, John's jaw sets firm and his eyes flash enough to almost illuminate the dimly lit room. "I don't want to hear it from you."  
  
"Tough shit."  
  
"I already got my morality speech and the `how could you let the team down' lecture from your husband and his right hand man.I don't need to hear it from you, too."  
  
"You expected them to throw you a party?" I question angrily. "You're fucking a woman who's not your wife! Your idea of pillow talk is leaking secret information! And Jed never gave you a morality speech; don't you dare put words in his mouth!"  
  
John exhales slowly and deeply, and then sits down in his chair. "What do you want from me?"  
  
"Answers, John. Answers that make sense to me."  
  
"I have none to give."  
  
I stride over to his desk and smack my hand on its top. "You do and you will," I say. "You owe me that much."  
  
He leans in closer, signaling he's not about to back down. "I owe you nothing."  
  
I should be pissed as hell right now. Instead, I'm finding myself incredibly hurt.  
  
And, that, in and of itself, pisses me off even more.  
  
My lips purse as I think of something with which to fire back.  
  
I'm coming up empty.  
  
"All right, John," I reply, whispering my concession and almost hating myself for doing so.  
  
He makes no conciliatory move. There will be no discussion, and for some reason, I am not up to provoking him.  
  
"I guess I'll see you around," I conclude. I look at him for another second or two and then leave the office.  
  
I was hoping he'd stop me before I got out the door.  
  
My walk back to the residence is long. I find myself bitterly wishing that I were still writing my own prescriptions. Some Valium would be really nice right now. I laugh out loud to myself as I enter the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. Advil will have to do for now.  
  
"Good Evening. It's 8:30 pm in Washington DC," the reporters voice droned on. "A city.a whole country in disarray and confusion as Vice President John Hoynes officially tendered his resignation a little more than twelve hours ago.The former Vice President apparently brought down by an extramarital affair."  
  
I enter Leo's office, knowing full well that Jed will be there.  
  
The pair is sitting glued in front of the television set. Remarkable. I've never seen anything like it from the two of them.  
  
"You know, no matter how many times you watch it, it's not going to change," I comment dryly.  
  
Jed looks up at me, not at all amused. Leo is a little more concerned, though.  
  
"Abbey," he says, offering me a chair. "Have you eaten?"  
  
I see the two empty plates sitting in front of them. I'm sure I don't want to know what Jed's been eating today. I'm not up for my weekly health diatribe to him right now.  
  
"No. I was waiting for Jed to return to the residence," I return simply, taking a seat between them.  
  
Leo flushes a deep pink and Jed looks downward. "I'm sorry, honey. It's just that we've had a lot to deal with because of.." He doesn't complete the thought. "We're trying to figure out who to submit for a possible replacement."  
  
I pick a potato chip off of his plate. I should ream him out for eating these damn things. Jed's eyes catch mine and he's waiting for the reprimand. Instead, I pop the chip in my mouth.  
  
"Any ideas as to whom you will ask?" I ask through the crunching of the greasy snack.  
  
"Not really," Leo hedged.  
  
Which means, "We're not ready to talk about it" in JedandLeo-ese.  
  
"Hmm," I say, try to surreptitiously search for another chip. Damn bag is right. No one can eat just one.  
  
"I still can't believe he did this!" Jed suddenly bursts forth.  
  
"Sir." Leo begins.  
  
"What was he thinking?" my husband proceeds.  
  
"His problem wasn't thinking, Jed," I add. "His problem was that he was thinking with the wrong head. And, because of that, he got sloppy."  
  
Jed and Leo both turn to face me, stunned.  
  
"Oh, please, boys," I continue, finding another chip on Leo's plate and snatching it quickly. "This isn't the first time a high ranking official has gotten caught with his pants down. Seems like men in our party are notorious for that."  
  
Still nothing but silence from the two men in my life. I stand up and brush off the few crumbs left behind from the two paltry chips I had. "I'm sorry, Jed. I don't mean to sound crass. But, John's a big boy, playing in the big leagues.He knew the risks."  
  
"He was part of the team, Abbey," Jed replies sadly.  
  
I shake my head. "He was never part of this team." I declare to both of them. I look at Leo. "You and your deputy made sure of that."  
  
"Are you blaming me for this?" Leo inquires, totally shocked.  
  
I chuckle softly. "Blaming you for John Hoynes having an affair and being a blabbermouth when it comes to the good parts of the ride? No. But maybe he would have more pause for thought had he felt part of the team to begin with."  
  
Neither Jed nor Leo offers a protest. A little surprising to me, actually.  
  
"At least now you have nothing to worry about when considering a new VP," I continue. "No elections, electoral colleges, etc. No competition, so to speak." I pause for a moment, realizing that I've probably said enough. "I'm going to get some dinner. Something other than a couple of potato chips." I look at Jed. "Are you going to be very late this evening?"  
  
He blinks at me, unsure of how to respond. "I.I don't think so. Probably by 11 or 12 I should be upstairs."  
  
"All right. I'll try to wait up then," I tell him. "I'd like to see you and be able to spend time with you not discussing work." My voice is as gentle as I can manage.  
  
"I'll be up in a little while," he promises. And, I know he means it. It's been a month or so since we've spent any quality time together-and only something like the resignation of his VP can take Jed's mind off of prolonged abstinence.  
  
I nod and wave goodbye as I leave.  
  
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. But, I'm not known for doing that:  
  
Mostly because it's too difficult for me. I try to curb my tongue. It's usually to no avail, though.  
  
"Mrs. Bartlet?"  
  
I turn and see Charlie standing in front of me. I am convinced that this young man can just appear and disappear at will.  
  
"Charlie, hi. What can I do for you?"  
  
He hands me a folded piece of paper. "I received this from the OEOB."  
  
"Thank you," I say, taking the paper. "I'm expecting a fax from my office about the girls' travel plans for Zoey's graduation next week."  
  
Charlie nods. Poor guy. I know he's doing all he can to win Zoey back.  
  
I open the sheet of paper and read:  
  
Abbey, 9 pm. You know where to meet me. Signed, JH  
  
I nondescriptly fold the paper back up. "Charlie, I need to step out for a while. Can you please tell Jed that I'll be back in a bit?"  
  
Charlie looks concerned. "Of course, Mrs. Bartlet. Is there a problem?"  
  
"Not at all. I have a few things I need to do before turning in. I shouldn't be gone for much longer than an hour or so. I should be back before Jed calls it a night."  
  
"I'll let him know," Charlie assures me.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
I let my agent know I need a car and I step outside into the pouring rain as soon as it arrives at the back door.  
  
I stuff the paper in my pocket.  
  
Sure, now he wants to talk. But does it have to be there?  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: "Was It Worth It In the End?" 3/?  
  
Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com)  
  
Genre: response to challenge: Abbey's reaction to Hoynes'  
  
affair/resignation  
  
Spoilers: Up to Season 4-Life on Mars  
  
Rating: Um..R for one word, I think.the f-bomb  
  
Notes: Hope this helps to break the writer's slump I've been  
  
in lately.  
  
Feedback: I'm not one for begging.but please???  
  
***************************************************  
  
My exit from the building is quick and quiet. There's enough press lurking around this place to give a running (albeit probably inaccurate) count of how many times the senior staff uses the  
  
bathroom.  
  
I don't need my crap leaking out to the world. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.  
  
I shouldn't be going. But, my curiosity has gotten the best of me.  
  
So, I give the driver my desired location and we are off in an instant.  
  
Besides, I have a good mind to tell John off-based on the way he treated me earlier.  
  
When I arrive at the Observatory, I see the throngs of press people. Fortunately, the car pulls around the back quietly and apparently undetected. I am whisked out of the car and one of his agents leads me out back.  
  
I was afraid of this.  
  
The gardens.  
  
I should have never come here.  
  
"He'll be right with you, ma'am," announced the agent.  
  
"Thank you," I reply.  
  
I stand, smelling the air, thick with the scent of freshly fallen rain. I notice that I am glancing around nervously-the reason why, I'm not sure.  
  
"You came," I hear John say from behind.  
  
I turn around to face him. "Yes."  
  
"I didn't think you would."  
  
I nod. "To be quite honest, I didn't think I would, either."  
  
He nodded in return. "I understand."  
  
And then, there is silence.  
  
"Why am I here?" I finally ask.  
  
"I wanted..I wanted to apologize for before, Abbey."  
  
"You could have just come over to the residence or my office to do that," I say suspiciously.  
  
"I could have. But, I didn't want to. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could."  
  
I stare at him. He looks older now. Defeated. It reminds me of the time he lost the nomination to Jed.  
  
But, John bounced back then.  
  
I'm just not sure he's capable of rebounding from this, though.  
  
"Well, John, can you at least tell me why here?" I question.  
  
"Because.," he began, and then paused for a second. "This place is special to me."  
  
I look away.  
  
"Abbey..It must have been special to you, too." He notices my lack of reaction, but continues. "You knew exactly where I meant in my note."  
  
I can't argue that point.  
  
John takes a few steps and looks around. "We came to a mutual understanding here.two years ago."  
  
"That was a long time ago," I remind him.  
  
"Yes. Especially after everything that's gone on," John agreed.  
  
He's studying me with his eyes in a way that makes me feel uneasy. Scrutiny suits him well.  
  
"Do you remember?" he asks hopefully.  
  
I nod my head, but do not answer verbally.  
  
"We were both pretty pissed about Jed's announcement about reelection," he reminds me.  
  
"I said I remember," I reply, my voice on edge.  
  
John decides to continue. "You were a little drunk."  
  
"John."  
  
"I had it in my mind to go kill your husband that night. Not only because of the promise he broke to me.but because of what he did to you."  
  
I sigh and take a seat on one of the garden benches. I'm not escaping this, it seems.  
  
"John, this trip down memory lane is lovely," I comment sarcastically. "But."  
  
He walks up to me and stands beside the bench. "You stopped me from drinking that night."  
  
Well, damn.He had to bring that up.  
  
"I told you that night about my.problem," John persisted. "I hadn't told anyone in the inner circle."  
  
I find myself choking back a laugh. "Inner Circle? You make it sound like some sort of cult."  
  
John smiles and sits next to me. "So, instead of letting me drink, you decided to do it for me."  
  
"That's right," I recall. "I decided to let you live vicariously through me." A sarcastic laugh escapes my throat at the memory.  
  
He nods and his smile grows wider. "Right. And, I had never seen you so.hurt."  
  
"You've seen me pissed plenty of times," I defend.  
  
"Pissed, yes. Hurt-I mean--down deeply. No."I decide not to respond.  
  
"Anyway," John continued. "I was wrong earlier. I do owe you an explanation."  
  
"I don't want one," I interject. "It's none of my business who you are screwing."  
  
A pained expression covers his face and I immediately feel a little bad for saying that.  
  
"I don't know why I did it, Abbey. Suzanne.Suzanne and I have been apart for so long."  
  
I feel my eyes roll in my head. An unconscious reaction when I hear stupid shit like that.  
  
"I know it sounds stupid." he replied meekly.  
  
"Hell, yes.."  
  
"My marriage has been over for ages. I couldn't get a divorce.too much press-you know how it is."  
  
I do know.  
  
"I needed compatibility, Abbey," he offered.  
  
I turn and look at him. "Then get a friggin' dog! A cat! A hamster, for God's sake!" I shout.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, Abbey, but not all of us in this world are as strong and noble as you are!" he fired back. "Forgive me!"  
  
I stand up, feeling my anger rise within me again. "You expect me to sit here and understand that you had an affair because you were lonely?"  
  
"There are worse reasons for doing it," he remarked dryly.  
  
"You are too smart for this!" I continue to yell at him.  
  
John stands up next to me. "No! I'm not! I'm just a man who made the biggest mistake of his life! And now I'm paying for it!" His voice cracks a bit at the end of his admission.  
  
I lower my voice. "You could have found companionship, John. You didn't have to have sex."  
  
"With whom, Abbey? With whom?" he demanded. "The staff? Please.you know what a fucking joke that is."  
  
"John," I try to interrupt.  
  
"I'll ask again, Abbey.With whom could I talk if I needed to? To whom could I go for comfort?"  
  
Suddenly, I find myself blurting, "You could have come to me!"  
  
John stops for a moment and looks at me. Then, he shakes his head. "No.You know that would never have worked."  
  
A sense of warmth fills my body. "John.you could have talked to me," I protest gently.  
  
He reaches over and takes my hand. "No. Because it was dangerous to go to you."  
  
I pull my hand away and take a few steps in the opposite direction. I need some space.  
  
"Dangerous?" I question.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You think I'm dangerous?" I ask, genuinely astonished.  
  
John crinkles his brows and thinks for a second. "Well, maybe not directly, although I'm glad that I've never really pissed you off. But, yes, but I thought.think.that being around you is dangerous."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, we have too much in common, Abbey. We have very similar needs and wants. We've both been hurt by the same people."I bite my lip as I listen to him.  
  
"When you came here that night to see me, I was shocked," John told me. "I never expected to see you. But, when I saw you after the press conference.I was glad that you were here."  
  
I close my eyes. "I wanted to let you know that I had no idea that he was going to do that."  
  
"Back out of our deal?" he clarifies.  
  
"Of course," I reply, my irritation growing.  
  
"I never thought it was your fault. From the moment I saw you at the door, slightly tipsy already, I knew that you had no clue."  
  
"He screwed the both of us," I continue quietly, the hurt fresher in my soul than I thought it would be by now. It's been ages. I've forgiven him.  
  
I just can't forget, it seems.  
  
John clears his throat. "I've never felt closer to anyone than I did that night: right here. I rarely trust people, Abbey. That night, I knew I was able to really trust someone. I was able to trust you completely."  
  
I hear his footsteps behind me. Then, I feel his hand slip into mine. I don't draw mine away, though. I close my fingers around his.  
  
"Do you remember what I said to you?" he asks me gently.  
  
"You mean before or after you called my husband a fucking asshole?" I quip.  
  
"After," he answers, looking slightly discomfited at my remark. "I said that we needed to support each other. Look out for each other."  
  
"Yes," I agree, remembering all too clearly. "Because, you said, no one else was looking out for us."  
  
"That's right."  
  
John is still holding my hand. Just like he did two years ago.  
  
I can barely bring myself to look at him. Me, Abbey Bartlet: fearless woman.  
  
This is unchartered territory for me.  
  
"Tonight's like Déjà vu," John comments softly, lifting my hand to his lips.  
  
Yes, it is. I was wrong. This isn't unchartered territory. It's all too familiar.  
  
I glare at him. "The only one who got `screwed' this time was you, John. And, this time, Jed's not to blame."  
  
"Why are you so angry about this, Abbey?" John asked wearily, lowering his hand from his original intention, but not releasing it from his.  
  
"Well, John," I reply, my eyes steely, "First of all because it was, well, WRONG. Second of all," I look at my hand in his. "It seems to me that you are mistaking me for someone else."  
  
A look of confusion clouds his face. "Mistaking you?"  
  
"This may work on Helen.it doesn't work on me," I snip, pulling my hand away.  
  
"That was a cheap shot, Abbey."  
  
"I call it like I see it," I respond.  
  
"If I wanted to seduce you, Abigail, I wouldn't play games with you." He stares directly into my eyes. "Or don't you remember that?"  
  
It takes every ounce of my being to hold his stare, but I'm not one to back down.  
  
"Seems to me like your memory is pretty selective, Madam First Lady," John asserts strongly. "Was I not direct when we were here the last time?"  
  
I think I need to leave.  
  
"Abbey.answer me."  
  
"You were."  
  
"Ok," he lobs back. "So don't get all high, mighty or demure with me. I think we know each other better than that."  
  
"All right, fine," I snap and turn my back to him.  
  
He's just as infuriating as Jed and Leo. No wonder why the three of them never really got along. They're too much alike.  
  
"You know what else shocked me about that night?" he wonders aloud.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"The fact that you didn't crack me across the face when I kissed you," John says with a shy smile.  
  
"I should have," I reply harshly as I can. It doesn't sound very convincing to me, though.  
  
"Yeah, you probably should have. But, you were a little drunk. I should have never done it. I felt like I took advantage of you."  
  
Out of the blue, I'm laughing hysterically. "Take advantage of me? I wasn't drunk, John. I was tipsy. If I wanted to slap you, I could have and would have, ok?"  
  
"Ok," John reacts with a shrug.  
  
"I think that maybe I should go," I announce.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
I nod.  
  
"But, I don't want you to."  
  
I sigh. "John. If you're lonely and horny, call Helen, ok? Or, I'm sure there are a number of women who would love to spend the night with you. I need to go. Goodnight."  
  
"You know, your husband may reduce your regular `meetings' to a quick roll in the hay and then say `see ya' until the next crisis is over, but I didn't call you here for that, Abbey."  
  
That is the final straw. My hand lashes out and smacks him across the face.  
  
His right hand touches the spot where I hit. "See, this is why people shouldn't get you angry," he says understatedly.  
  
"You son of a bitch. You have no right to judge Jed.or me like that!"  
  
"Helen was never about being horny, Abbey," John starts, his voice rising with frustration. "Helen was about filling a void in my life. The one that started with Suzanne.and only grew when."  
  
"When what!?"  
  
"When I realized I'd never have you." he confesses.  
  
I stand in shock at this statement.  
  
Abruptly, a voice from the door is heard.  
  
"Excuse me, sir.ma'am. Can I get either of you two anything?" asked one of the staff members.  
  
I look at John and know I shouldn't do this with him standing there. But, to hell with that.  
  
"Yes," I reply. "Get me a glass of wine, please. I need a drink."  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: "Was It Worth It In the End?" 4/?  
  
Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com)  
  
Genre: response to challenge: Abbey's reaction to Hoynes'  
  
affair/resignation  
  
Spoilers: Up to Season 4-Through "25"  
  
Rating: Um..R for one word, I think.the f-bomb  
  
Notes: Hope this helps to break the writer's slump I've been  
  
in lately.  
  
Feedback: I'm not one for begging.but please???  
  
"Wine, ma'am?" the staff member repeats. "What kind would you  
  
prefer?"  
  
"Whatever you can get me within the next minute or so," I  
  
answer, taking a few steps away from John.  
  
The staff nods. "And for you, Mr. Vice." He pauses and then  
  
immediately looks horrified and guilty. "I'm sorry, sir."  
  
John holds his hand up. "It's ok, Jeff. I'll have a glass  
  
of iced tea."  
  
"Of course. Thank you." Jeff disappears back into the  
  
house, leaving me alone with John once again.  
  
"Do you think that wine is a good idea," he inquires gently  
  
to me.  
  
"Listen, just because you choose not to drink doesn't mean I  
  
can't, ok?" I reply defensively.  
  
It is an incredibly cruel thing to say. But, there's no  
  
sense in trying to take it back. It will just accentuate that fact  
  
even more.  
  
"Do you think that it's easy for me to not take a drink,  
  
Abbey?"  
  
I close my eyes, mostly because I'm too embarrassed to look  
  
at him. "I'm sorry, John. I just."  
  
"My drinking never affected my life the way it has Leo's," he  
  
continued in a thoughtful way. "I stopped drinking before I let  
  
myself get to that place. Leo almost lost it all because of his  
  
addiction. I said early in my life that I couldn't handle it, so I  
  
stopped." He looks skyward now, deep in thought. "No, I wouldn't  
  
let booze ruin my life." He waits a beat, and then  
  
proceeds. "Instead, I let a poor substitute for a woman bring me  
  
down. Almost makes me with I didn't give up drinking, you know?" He  
  
chuckles to himself.  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to react to what you said  
  
before?" I demand, changing the subject back to the one that's  
  
leading me to drink.  
  
"You don't have to react at all. I just thought that it  
  
would be refreshing for you to hear honesty for a change. We usually  
  
don't get that much around here."  
  
I stare at him. The man just tells me that he slept with  
  
another woman because he couldn't have me, and he's acting like it's  
  
no big deal.  
  
"You slept with Helen because you couldn't have me? Are you  
  
saying this is my fault?"  
  
He shakes his head and exhales loudly. "I didn't say that at  
  
all. As I said before, not all of us in this world are as noble as  
  
you, Mrs. Bartlet. I offered, you rejected. It was that simple.  
  
Did you expect me to pine away for you for the rest of my life?"  
  
"No!" I protest.  
  
"After that kiss.you knew exactly what I wanted, and you  
  
left. That was your choice and I probably respected you even more  
  
because of that decision. But, then, I had to make a choice, too. I  
  
wish to hell that I could have come to you to just sit and talk  
  
sometimes. But, that wasn't acceptable for me. Call me immature,  
  
but you rejected me, Abbey. It was a hard pill to swallow."  
  
"I never meant to hurt you, John," I tell him, honestly. "I  
  
couldn't go through with it. I should have never let it get as far  
  
as it did."  
  
"We were bound for trouble that evening," John admits. "It  
  
was a train wreck."  
  
I nod. "That's why I had to put on the brakes. It was all  
  
based on anger, resentment, hurt.drinking."  
  
John is walking toward me again, but he stops short before  
  
coming too close. "Not all of it, Abbey. It wasn't all based around  
  
that."  
  
My cheeks glow crimson. The cool night air only compounds  
  
the sensation.  
  
Jeff returns with our drinks. John takes the two glasses  
  
from the serving tray and gives me mine. John nods to Jeff and he  
  
leaves us alone.  
  
"What shall we toast to, Abbey?" he asks, holding up his  
  
glass.  
  
I look at him, utterly dumbfounded.  
  
"How about we toast to friendship.and new beginnings?" he  
  
suggests.  
  
I raise my glass now and notice my hand is shaking. I  
  
delicately touch my glass to his and take a sip. I don't taste the  
  
wine much, but I do feel its smooth warmness coat my tongue and  
  
throat.  
  
"I need to get back, John," I tell him apologetically. "Jed  
  
is expecting me."  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
I hand him my glass. "What will you do now?" I ask.  
  
"I'm not sure, yet. It's all happened so fast. I'm hoping  
  
to be leaving for Texas within the next day or so."  
  
I nod my head. I'm at a loss of what else to say to  
  
him. "Take care, John," I finally come up with.  
  
"I'll see you around, Abbey," he replies, holding up my glass.  
  
I'm back to my car in moments and it's not a one too soon. There's  
  
something about being alone with that man. It makes me feel guilty.  
  
By the time Jed comes upstairs, I'm already undressed and in bed,  
  
reading.  
  
He glances at this watch when he enters. "How late am I?" he  
  
asks with dread in his voice.  
  
"I'm still awake," I answer. "You're fine."  
  
He closes the door and quickly starts to undress. "Charlie  
  
mentioned you stepped out for a while. Where'd you go?"  
  
"I went over to see John," I tell him. There's no reason for  
  
me not to be honest with him.  
  
"Hoynes?" he asks, mildly surprised.  
  
"No.McCain," I toss back. "Of course, John Hoynes!"  
  
Jed slides his shirt off of his shoulders and throws it on  
  
the chair. "How's he doing?"  
  
"He's fine," I say casually. I look up at him. "Don't throw  
  
your clothes on the chair, Jed."  
  
"I'm kind of in a rush here, Abbey. I can pick up tomorrow,"  
  
he explains with an impish smile on his face.  
  
"If you think you're just going to climb on board of me, take  
  
a ride and then rush off back downstairs, you can forget it," I hear  
  
myself saying.  
  
He stops short, with one leg almost in the air from stepping  
  
out of his pants. "What did you just say?"  
  
"I'm not here as a rest stop-a quick lay-in between your  
  
crises, Jed," I elaborate. Where is this coming from?  
  
Oh, shit.I know..  
  
"Abbey, what the hell are you talking about?" Jed  
  
questions. "I'm not planning on going anywhere except for to bed  
  
with you."  
  
"Oh.well, I'm sorry, then," I say, looking back into my book.  
  
Jed steps out of his pants and in three quick strides,  
  
reaches me. He takes the book from his hands. "I can't believe you  
  
just said that to me, Abbey."  
  
"I'm sorry, Jed. I'm a little tired tonight," I cover. "I  
  
didn't mean it."  
  
"You never say things you don't mean, Abigail," Jed counters,  
  
sitting next to me on the bed. "Do you honestly feel that way?"  
  
I look at him now. "Honestly?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Sometimes, yes. I feel like I'm just around here long  
  
enough to engage you in a battle of wits and then bed you. Then, my  
  
purpose is served and you're back to running the world."  
  
Jed's eyes are wide. "I had no idea you felt this way."  
  
"Well, now you do."  
  
He sets the book down on the nightstand next to the bed. "I  
  
don't see you that way, Abbey."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Do I want you? Hell, yes. And, I'm not going to apologize  
  
for that. If I've taken you for granted-well, we're both busy,  
  
Abbey. Not just me.the both of us. It's never been easy for the two  
  
of us to spend quality time together."  
  
"It was before we came here," I let slip out of my mouth.  
  
Jed sets his jaw. "Even before this, Abbey. You were  
  
working crazy shifts at the hospital and with your patients. I had  
  
my duties as governor. Together, we had obligations for the state."  
  
"You're right," I agree.  
  
His hand touches my cheek and he begins to caress me. "I  
  
certainly didn't come up here to fight with you. I love you. I need  
  
you. I planned to come up here and show you exactly how much I feel  
  
those things."  
  
His hand drifts to my neck and finds the spot that makes me  
  
want to purr.  
  
"No fighting tonight, ok?" he asks gently.  
  
I nod slowly and try my best to concentrate on the sensations  
  
I feel when he touches me.  
  
"So, John is ok?" he continues the previous conversation as  
  
if we never dropped the ball with it. And, his hand is sliding a  
  
little lower.  
  
"Umm..yeah, he's fine. Looking to go back to Texas," I  
  
manage to get out, which isn't easy considering that my husband is  
  
now tracing the outline of my breast with the fingers of his right  
  
hand.  
  
"You were kind of harsh before to me and Leo about him, you  
  
know," Jed says, teasing my nipple now until it's straining through  
  
the thin, smooth fabric of the nightgown.  
  
"Yeah." I get out. "So?" I'm not going to apologize for that  
  
one, no matter what he does.  
  
"Just seemed kind of out of nowhere."  
  
"Are you going to sit here and talk, or are we going to have  
  
sex?" I ask through my shallow breaths.  
  
"We usually do both at the same time," he teases, lifting my  
  
nightgown over my head. Then, immediately, both of his hands are  
  
playing lightly with my breasts.  
  
"How about we focus on just the sex, tonight?" I request  
  
breathlessly.  
  
"Sounds good to me," Jed moans and lowers his head to my  
  
right nipple.  
  
I lean back and close my eyes.  
  
Maybe tonight hasn't been such a bad night after all.  
  
Maybe, once a new VP is chosen, things can get back to normal.  
  
After all, my baby graduates from Georgetown in less than 48  
  
hours.  
  
And my husband is doing incredible things to my body right  
  
now.  
  
Things are certainly looking up, aren't they?  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Was it Worth in the End? (5/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
I really enjoy these small, intimate gatherings. Both Jed and I are able to unwind and be just.ourselves. There is no rush of reporters, no glaring spotlight-two of the "fringe benefits" of being President and First Lady. And, on an evening such as this, it is a welcome respite from the insanity that has become our lives.  
Glancing at Jed, I finger the pearl necklace that Jed gave me this morning for "raising the kid and all." For such a gifted orator he sometimes has the least to say to me. I'm not entirely sure how that makes me feel. Things have been better since the other night, and that's how the cycle goes. We argue, we fool around and all is better for a short time.  
Still, as I feel my hands move over the necklace, I continue to look at Jed and I feel myself smile. He's kind of like a pearl: a little grain of something gets under the skin and it just sits there. It should be irritating, and sometimes it is. But, somehow, miraculously, it stays there and grows within you, changing to this luminescent jewel.  
Just not one that I can hang around my neck.Only one that manages to wrap himself tightly around my little finger.  
Perhaps he should have gotten me a ring.  
I smile wider at this thought and I see that he's looking at me now. He's showing pictures and bragging "his baby" to the other parents in his room. Jed is truly in his element now. The conversation is light and enjoyable. We both need this so much.  
The commencement was beautiful-with both of my babies looking so academic in their gowns. My littlest one was sitting and beaming from her seat among the other graduates. And, of course, my eldest child was standing up at the podium giving the commencement address. Yes, Jed was smiling and giving the crowd his charming and witty Barletesque words of wisdom. However, I watched a father doing his best to mask the heartbreak that comes with seeing his youngest graduate from college.  
Oh, yes, there's also this little bit about Zoey going to France for the summer with the flaky pastry French guy.  
I'm not even sure why Jed is allowing it. I thought I could count on him to put his foot down on this one. I guess I've trained him too well to let our little one's off from the apron strings.  
I notice Jed getting up. He's probably going to refill his drink.  
One of the mothers in the room is ooing and ahhing over Zoey's pictures and I'm bending over to answer her question about how old she was and where the picture was taken.  
God, this is almost like being home in New Hampshire.  
As I'm answering her question, I feel a pair of eyes almost drilling their stare into my brain. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jed's not back in his seat and I know that there is only one pair of eyes that can cause that sensation. I look over my shoulder and see Jed standing at the door.  
He looks..sick.  
But nothing like I've seen regarding his MS.  
I feel my hand grab onto the chair arm and wait for him to speak or do something.  
The only thing I notice is that he's looks as though he's seen a ghost, like someone has taken his soul and ripped it from his body.  
Instinctively, I rise from my seat.  
"Excuse me," I say to my guests and walk slowly over to Jed. My body feels like it should go faster, but I feel like I'm moving upstream.  
As I get closer to the door, for the first time I see Leo and Ron standing with Jed. What the hell are they doing here?  
There is no way that I'm going to let them ruin this night..  
Leo's looking very pale.  
Ron steps past me and asks our guests to please step outside.  
Did I hear his voice crack slightly? Not even when Jed was shot did I hear him sound like that.  
"Ron." I begin to protest.  
"Abbey," Leo interjects.  
I look at Jed, who is still deathly white.  
"Jed?" I ask.  
Ron opens the other door to the room and shows our guests out.  
"What is going on?" I question.  
"Abbey." Leo begins again.  
Ron shuts the door and takes his place again beside Jed and Leo. "Mrs. Bartlet, why don't you come inside," he says, his voice sounding a bit more in control now.  
I'm still staring at Jed, whose mouth is open, but no sound seems able to escape.  
"Abbey," Leo tries a third time.  
Jed holds a shaky hand up. "No." he protests gruffly.  
"Damn it, Jed! What the hell is going on?" I demand.  
His hand reaches out to mine and I'm not sure if he's trying to steady himself or prepare me for whatever news is imminent.  
"Abbey, someone has Zoey," my husband tells me.  
"Someone has Zoey?" I don't understand. I'm not meaning to play dumb, but I really have no idea what he's talking about.  
Ron clears his throat. "Zoey has been taken. One of her agents is dead."  
As Ron is speaking, Jed is squeezing my hand harder. I'm glad because right now, the rest of my body just instantaneously went numb. I lean against the doorframe for support.  
"We have a code black," our chief agent continues. "We are in lockdown right now as is the entire city. We are doing."  
Words become muffled and garbled and all I can do is look at Jed.  
Usually, I can look into Jed's eyes and make sense of this crazy world. Not tonight. The shades are drawn within him.  
"Mr. President," I hear Leo say. "We need.."  
Don't leave me, Jed, my brain screams.  
".everyone is ready in the Sit Room.."  
Jed, I need you.  
But, I can't form the words. My eyes never leave his.  
I hear something about Ron promising an update almost every 15 minutes, if not sooner.  
"Abbey?"  
For the first time since I heard that Zoey has been kidnapped I blink and breathe. That's Jed's voice.  
"Abbey?" he repeats.  
I don't answer him, because I am mute. My eyes are blinking furiously.  
"I have to go," he says grimly. "I have to get her back."  
No, please. She's our daughter. Don't leave my side.  
All of these things would make perfect sense to say.  
So, when I nod my head in agreement, I have to wonder if I've completely lost my mind.  
"I'm going to get Amy and CJ to be up here with you," Jed announces.  
Suddenly, my voice comes back. "I'm not waiting up here."  
"But, Mrs. Bartlet," Ron starts.  
"No! I am not going to be locked up like a queen in a tower. I'm going downstairs with you."  
"Sir, we really need to get downstairs," Leo reminds. It's a good thing that he has a look of utter desperation and guilt on his face, otherwise I'd kill him right now.  
"Don't leave me up here," I tell Jed, although it sounds more like pleading.  
Jed nods and turns to Leo. "Let's go."  
The three men are almost running down the corridor and I'm right behind them. I need to find out what's going on. They start down the stairs to the sit room. Jed and Leo get ahead of me and Ron stops and turns.  
"You can't go down with them, Mrs. Bartlet," he says, taking my arm.  
"Let go of me, Ron." My voice holds a stern warning.  
"Let them do their job. Let us do ours. We'll get her back."  
"If the whole lot of you did your damn jobs, Zoey wouldn't be gone in the first place!" I shout.  
Ron closes his eyes for a moment. "Mrs. Bartlet.."  
"How could this happen, Ron?" My eyes are filling with tears now.  
He gives me no answer.  
"The least you can do is answer me!"  
He lowers his eyes, another crack in his stoic stature breaking through. "I don't know, ma'am." He releases some of the pressure on my arm, so his hand is just resting on mine. "But, I will die trying to find out, if I have to. That I promise you."  
We stand at the top of the stairs for a moment in silence.  
"I need to get back," he tells me. "I'll come find you soon."  
"All right," I choke out and pull back from him.  
In a flash, Ron is down the stairs and talking into his transmitter. Two agents are waiting at the foot of the stairs and they disappear.  
  
I've never felt so alone in all my life.  
  
Somehow, I've made my way downstairs and I'm wandering the halls of the West Wing. Everywhere I turn, there are t.v. monitors on. Images of my baby girl are not only flashing before my mind's eye, but now they are flashing before the eyes of millions of people.  
"The Nation's Youngest First Daughter was believed to have been taken from a trendy night spot in the D.C area sometime right after 11 p.m." the voiceover broadcasts.  
I look up at the monitors near the bullpen. People are rushing by, casting unsure glances as they fly past me.  
"Once again, the nation watches and waits for news of the nation's youngest First Daughter Zoey Bartlet." the voice recaps.  
"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!" I scream at the television. "She's not yours! Would you stop saying that!?"  
A feel a hand on my shoulder and I violently pull away.  
"Mrs. Bartlet, ma'am," CJ says softly.  
"Any news?" I practically pounce on her.  
She shakes her head. "Nothing new."  
Amy is standing with her. "Can I get you something to drink? Some coffee?"  
I furrow my brow. "I don't need coffee."  
"All right," my chief of staff replies helplessly.  
"How about we sit down some place?" CJ tries again.  
I look at the Press Secretary. "Claudia Jean, I don't feel like sitting down."  
She glances at Amy who almost imperceptibly shrugs her shoulders. "Well then," CJ offers, "how about we just keep walking?"  
"Fine. Just try to keep up," I instruct them and take off.  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Was it Worth in the End? (6/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
Four hours.  
  
It's been four hours and nobody can tell me a thing. What good is being in the most connected building in the world if no one can tell me where my little girl is.  
  
My little girl.She was always his little girl.  
  
From the moment she was born and we discovered that what we thought might be a "he" was a "she", there was no turning back.  
  
As much as I'm sure Jed would have loved to have a son, Zoey seemed to be more than adequate consolation prize.  
  
As a matter of fact, no consolation was required. She was wrapped so tightly around his little finger within her first thirty seconds of life, the thought of a son became a whisper of a memory.  
  
That's when I lost her, really.  
  
I may have borne her, nursed her, changed her.  
  
But she was his.  
  
I tended the physical wounds. That's what mom's do, after all. I just happened to be a little better at it than most because of a piece of paper telling me I'm a doctor.  
  
But, Jed was her healer.  
  
I glance at my watch. Four hours and one minute. Where the hell is everyone? Along my walk to nowhere around the building, I managed to lose CJ to a bunch of press conferences that all essentially said the same thing: "We have no hard information."  
  
In other words: We don't know anything. Don't ask us.  
  
Amy is sitting outside the room, apparently fed up with trying to distract me. Unfortunately, the woman chose the wrong time to sign on as my chief of staff.  
  
How long can I just sit here and do nothing.say nothing? I am her mother! She's part of me, too. Why don't I know what to say or do?  
  
I can't make a statement. Wait, why can't I?  
  
I've watched coverage of other mothers-women that when I saw their shattered faces I would silently say, "There but for the grace of God."  
  
They made their plea. It's time I make mine. Jed can sit around tables and talk strategy like this is some king size chess game, I'm going to take some action.  
  
I throw the doors open and start walking briskly again through the lobby.  
  
Amy immediately rises and calls out to me, "Mrs. Bartlet?"  
  
I don't have time, Amy. I continue to toward my intended destination. I hear the clicking of Amy's heel on the tiles as she tries to catch up.  
  
"I'm gonna make a direct appeal," I declare. "They'll turn on the cameras if I go in the Briefing Room and I'll make a direct appeal."  
  
As I move swiftly through the bullpen, I barely see Donna standing there, staring at me with a worried look on her face.  
  
"You can't do that," Amy instructs.  
  
Don't tell me what to do. "I'm the mother...I don't know why I waited this long...I screwed up..."  
  
Amy manages to catch up and attempts to take me by my arm, as if that will make me listen.  
  
"Get away from me!" I bark at her.  
  
The next thing I know, the other half of this partnership of hope and support, CJ falls into step beside us. She's singing the same old song that I can't go into the Briefing Room.  
  
I tune them out. "I don't know why I waited this long; I've seen mothers do it."  
  
I've reached my destination and I reach for the door. I hear muffled pleas to not do this as I throw open the door.  
  
My God.the screaming.the flashes.  
  
And suddenly, I've lost all capacity to use the English Language.  
  
CJ though, seems to remember what her native tongue is as she shouts, "Give her a break!"  
  
I feel them pull me out and slam the door.  
  
Then, as they lead me to CJ's office, the dynamic duo tries to explain why I can't negotiate with terrorists or some nonsense like that.  
  
Believe me I had no plans of negotiation.  
  
Maybe it's for the best, because while I think it would make a coveted sound byte, my saying, "We will find you, you bastards, and when we do, I will make sure that I personally torture you---giving you a long, painful, agonizing death." is probably not going to help bring my youngest baby home.  
  
But, when they are caught, I will kill them.  
  
They can't keep me in CJ's office or the residence forever. I think I heard Amy say something to CJ about calling the doctor. Good, Jed needs to be checked on. But, I'm sure they're not sending for the admiral for my husband.  
  
At least Jed is able to DO something. He's able to try to go through the motions. He wants to be the one to bring her home. Jed wants to be her hero. Of course, he already is.  
  
But, right now, he doesn't feel that way.  
  
They are going to sedate me. I know it. As a doctor, I would do the same thing for someone in my shoes.  
  
The sedation won't help. The visions of my daughter won't go away. They may be artificially repressed for a few hours, but when the dark veil is lifted, they will surface one more, like a drowning person who frantically gasps for air as she surfaces through the waves.  
  
As I'm led to the residence, CJ asks me if there's anything I need.  
  
"I need Zoey," I said  
  
She glances downward and away, but says nothing about that. She knows better. She follows me as we walk upstairs. "The doctor is meeting us."  
  
"I know," I answer coldly. I glance sideways at her as we walk. "I won't let him sedate me."  
  
CJ takes in a breath. "You really need to rest."  
  
"Is Zoey resting?" I spit venomously.  
  
"Ma'am."  
  
"I am not sleeping until she's home."  
  
CJ walks in silence beside me.  
  
I'm trying to control my breathing. "Has Jed been checked by the doctor?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am," she says as we enter the residence. Somehow, Jed must have been able to sneak away up here to make a pit stop, because CNN is on up here, too. I can't escape it.  
  
The doctor, unlike most I know, is ready, waiting and right on time.  
  
"Admiral," I start, "Have you seen Jed?"  
  
He nods. "Yes, Mrs. Bartlet. His blood pressure is elevated, and we are keeping an eye on it. But, other than that, he seems fine."  
  
I sigh with relief. The last thing we need now is an episode. "All right."  
  
"Why don't we check you out?" the Admiral asks gently.  
  
"I'm fine," I announce.  
  
"I'm sure you are," he continues, undaunted, "And I realize that doctors make the worst patients.however."  
  
"I said I'm fine," I repeat with more emphasis.  
  
The doctor looks at CJ.  
  
"Don't look at her, look at me, please," I instruct him firmly. "She's not the one who is dealing with all of this shit. I am."  
  
"Exactly, Mrs. Bartlet.that is why I want to check you out. And, if your husband was here, you'd insist that I check him out."  
  
"That's different," I sniff.  
  
"Why?" the admiral asks.  
  
I shrug my shoulders.  
  
"Because he has a disease and you don't?" he challenges.  
  
"Listen, admiral, I'd love to stand here and chat with you, but I need to get back downstairs." I turn and head back for the door. CJ takes a step in front of me.  
  
"Ma'am."  
  
"Get the hell out of my way, Claudia Jean," I warn.  
  
However, CJ isn't backing down like she usually does. "If you want to be of any use or good to your husband and to your daughter, you will do as the doctor says, Abbey."  
  
Abbey? She called me Abbey.  
  
"CJ." my voice betrays me and breaks slightly.  
  
"I'll come get you if I hear anything, ok? I promise."  
  
Promises mean little to me right now.  
  
I nod my head. I'm almost too tired to fight anymore.  
  
"Mrs. Bartlet, please, sit down," the admiral requests.  
  
I look at CJ, who gives me a slight nod. I sit on the bed. I've been reduced to following orders. If Jed were here, I'm sure he'd love this.  
  
I feel like I'm slipping inside myself as the admiral examines me. All I feel is the tears coming down my face. There are no sobs, no gasps for breath: only silent waterworks.  
  
The injection is barely a pinprick and slowly the room darkens. Maybe when I wake up, I'll find out that this has all been a horrific nightmare.  
  
The last voice I hear is the anchorman's; "Recapping our top story at the bottom of the hour. First Daughter Zoey Bartlet was kidnapped approximately four and a half hours ago."  
  
I can't open my eyes..  
  
I want to, but they feel like they're cemented shut.  
  
The television is still on, though. If I had the energy, I'd yell at someone to turn that damn box off.  
  
"In a night that seems to get more dramatic as the moments pass, what started with a presidential family abduction, has resulted it seems in a presidential abdication. Josiah Bartlet, we learned moments ago, has invoked the 25th amendment and relinquished the presidency."  
  
Suddenly, I sit up, which while still mildly sedated is not the brightest idea.  
  
"What the f." I mumble. I must have heard wrong. The drugs. It must be the drugs.  
  
"And in an even more ironic twist, with the recent resignation of former VP John Hoynes, the reigns of the government have been turned over to opposing party leader and now former Speaker of the House, Glen Walken. Acting President Walken."  
  
Acting President Walken?  
  
My eyes are now open and clear. "Jed!" I call out.  
  
No answer.  
  
"Jed!" I call again.  
  
The door opens and one of the agents takes a half step in."Mrs. Bartlet."  
  
"JED!!!!" I scream.  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (7/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
"In a night that seems to get more dramatic as the moments pass, what started with a presidential family abduction, has resulted it seems in a presidential abdication. Josiah Bartlet, we learned moments ago, has invoked the 25th amendment and relinquished the presidency."  
  
Suddenly, I sit up, which while still mildly sedated is not the brightest idea.  
  
"What the f." I mumble. I must have heard wrong. The drugs. It must be the drugs.  
  
"And in an even more ironic twist, with the recent resignation of former VP John Hoynes, the reigns of the government have been turned over to opposing party leader and now former Speaker of the House, Glen Walken. Acting President Walken."  
  
Acting President Walken?  
  
My eyes are now open and clear. "Jed!" I call out.  
  
No answer.  
  
"Jed!" I call again.  
  
The door opens and one of the agents takes a half step in."Mrs. Bartlet."  
  
"JED!!!!" I scream.  
  
"This is Agent Witham, I need a doctor up to the residence ASAP."  
  
I don't want a doctor! I want to know what the hell is..  
  
"There's no need for that." Jed says, stepping in front of the agent and walking toward me.  
  
"Jed!" I call out again. His presence has done little to calm me.  
  
In a flash, he's sitting beside me on the bed. "Shh." he whispers. Then, not even looking over his shoulder, he says, "We're all set here, Dan. Thank you."  
  
I don't notice him leave. The only sight I see is Jed.  
  
"Jed.Jed," I start to stammer and then wipe away some newly formed tears. "I had the worst nightmare. I dreamt that Zoey was gone and then I woke up and I heard some nonsense that Glen Walken was the acting president."  
  
"Abbey.."  
  
"Where is Zoey?" I ask, standing up. "It's almost morning. She should have been home from the party by now." I laugh nervously. I look to the bedroom window and walk over to take a look outside.  
  
Almost dawn. This is a time of day I used to love. In New Hampshire, it was so peaceful. When Jed and I were awake at this time of day, it was only because we had just had an incredible night of lovemaking-or sex-it would depend on the night and the mood we were in, of course.  
  
"Jesus, Jed," I add quickly. "I figured you'd have had her agents collar her with a leash and drag her back here by now..."  
  
Almost dawn in DC, though..  
  
"Abbey," he interrupts.  
  
"Yeah?" I ask, still looking at the faint predawn glow.  
  
"I invoked the 25th amendment," he tells me. He sounds so calm. So tired. "Glen Walken IS the acting president and Zoey is still missing."  
  
"I know," I concede. "I just thought if I said it.that it might jar me from the living hell." The tears sting my eyes.  
  
Jed approaches me and puts both hands on my shoulders. "I know," he echoes.  
  
"I used to love this time of day," I share. My voice is absent, sounding the way my spirit feels. "But this damn city..this place. The only reason we're ever up this early is when there's a fucking crisis."  
  
I can't see the expression on his face, but I note that his body tenses slightly. "I came up earlier to tell you about my decision, but you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you."  
  
My own body tightens. "I wasn't sleeping, Jed. I was drugged. Knocked out. There is a difference."  
  
"You needed to get some rest." He turns me around to face him  
  
"People wanted me out of the way," I mutter under my breath.  
  
He's shaking his head at me. "That's not true."  
  
"Well, at least this time you planned on telling me about your decision," I state as I take a step backward from him.  
  
Jed sets his jaw. "What did you expect me to do, Abigail? I'm half insane right now! I can't run a country like this!"  
  
"I never said I wanted you to." It seems as though my voice is coming from somewhere other than my own body.  
  
"Well, then, why don't you say what you want to say," he challenges.  
  
"I have nothing to say right now, Jed, except welcome back to life in the real world...Now you can join the rest of us who have no control over the things that happen to us."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jed folds his arms. "You are angry and upset right now. I'm not sure this is a great discussion to be having." There is a short pause before he picks it up once more. "I came up here.I stepped aside for two reasons. First, I didn't think that I could do my job in my current state of mind."  
  
"And number two?" I prompt.  
  
"I wanted to be a father and husband during this time of crisis-with no distractions."  
  
"That's pretty noble, Jed," I inform him. "But, once again, we come second."  
  
"What the HELL are you talking about, Abbey!?" he yells.  
  
"Your job, Jed!" I shout back. "The first focus was on your job! We come second!!"  
  
"Now just a damn minute!" he tries to interject.  
  
My lips are quivering and the tears are running down my face. "NO! When we found out that our daughter was taken, the first thing you do is run off with Leo to go 'solve the problem'!"  
  
Jed's hands fly up in the air. "For the love of God, I was trying to get information on Zoey! I wasn't going down to the Sit Room to play a game of chess or deal with some asinine diplomatic issue!"  
  
"And what about me, Jed! You left me up here, by myself. Alone to deal with this! You have a staff at your back. And, once again, I'm left to flounder and cope on my own."  
  
"I have a job, Abbey!"  
  
My eyes narrow. "You had a job, Jed. And, when it was convenient for you, you left it."  
  
"I wanted to be with you to deal with this!" His voice breaks in anguish and apparent anger.  
  
I look at the television and see the endless images of Zoey on the screen. Suddenly, all my anger.the anger of actually getting past the New Hampshire primary, the anger of being married to a man who was once beyond being a dark horse who then wound up winning the roses, the anger of leaving my home and my life, the anger of having to lie, and the anger of giving up my very identity for all of this. I feel my arm extend forward and with a trembling hand, I point to the broadcast.  
  
"LOOK WHAT BEING PRESIDENT HAS BROUGHT US, JED!" I scream. "WAS IT WORTH IT?!"  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (8/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
"And what about me, Jed! You left me up here, by myself. Alone to deal with this! You have a staff at your back. And, once again, I'm left to flounder and cope on my own."  
  
"I have a job, Abbey!"  
  
My eyes narrow. "You had a job, Jed. And, when it was convenient for you, you left it."  
  
"I wanted to be with you to deal with this!" His voice breaks in anguish and apparent anger.  
  
I look at the television and see the endless images of Zoey on the screen. Suddenly, all my anger.the anger of actually getting past the New Hampshire primary, the anger of being married to a man who was once beyond being a dark horse who then wound up winning the roses, the anger of leaving my home and my life, the anger of having to lie, and the anger of giving up my very identity for all of this. I feel my arm extend forward and with a trembling hand, I point to the broadcast.  
  
"LOOK WHAT BEING PRESIDENT HAS BROUGHT US, JED!" I scream. "WAS IT WORTH IT?!"  
  
I anticipate an onslaught, a defensive tirade.  
  
But none comes.  
  
Never in all of my life have I heard a silence so piercing. This is a moment that defies the laws of physics: time and space seem to fold in on themselves and leave us suspended in their wake.  
  
I see Jed's mouth move slightly, but there is no sound.  
  
Neither one of us moves as the bedroom door slowly opens. Actually, I am not even sure either of us is breathing.  
  
"I'm.I'm sorry to interrupt," Charlie says awkwardly. "I tried knocking a few times, but I guess you didn't hear me." He pauses for a moment, as if waiting for a reply from one of us. Getting none, he continues, "Leo was wondering if he could speak to the two of you."  
  
Jed doesn't even blink. "Tell Leo that if wants to speak to me, I'll be down the hall." His voice is vacant. His glare toward me is like steel.  
  
Charlie volleys his glance from Jed and then back to me a few times. Finally, Jed turns and steps past Charlie.  
  
"Where are you going?" I hear myself call to him. It's definitely not a plea to stay. Rather, it's more of a cynical challenge.  
  
"Anywhere but here," he replies quietly, but evenly. He clears his throat and regains full volume to his voice. "You and I have said our share of difficult things to each other over the years, Abigail. But this.I don't even know where to begin." He hesitates for a fraction of a second before concluding, "And the sad thing is, I don't even want to."  
  
He looks back at Charlie once more. "You'll find me in one of the bedrooms down the hall. If there is an update on Zoey, you know where to look. Tell Leo where I am."  
  
Charlie's tired eyes widen exponentially. "Yes, sir," he affirms as he watches Jed leave the room. He waits a beat or two before directing his attention to me. "Mrs. Bartlet, ma'am?"  
  
"Yes Charlie?" I reply minimally.  
  
"Is there anything I can.Is there anything you need?"  
  
"No, thank you, Charlie," I answer, shaking my head slowly.  
  
The young man looks over his shoulder in the direction of where his boss was heading. "Ma'am, you know that I never usually interfere with personal business--or any business for that matter--between the two of you..."  
  
I fold my arms in front of my chest. "That's right. So, please don't start now."  
  
I can tell he wants to say more, but he decides to let it go. "Yes, ma'am." His task complete, he leaves the room, shutting the door silently behind him.  
  
Maybe I shouldn't have said those things. Some of the things I said have been locked up in my mind for ages. I thought they were neatly tucked away- no longer haunting me, dogging me and eating away at my spirit.  
  
I certainly never thought I would say them to anyone aloud: especially Jed.  
  
But, the words have been spoken. There is no taking them back.  
  
And the funny thing is-I'm not sure I want to.  
  
In a peculiar way, I am almost glad I let it all out.  
  
I've kept silent for so long about so many things, shoving my feelings and my fears into the drawers of my mind, hoping they would just disappear.  
  
My eyes catch the television once again and I have the sudden urge to sit at the end of the bed and watch.  
  
It's like an addictive drug. You can only say no for so long before it sucks you in and possesses your soul.  
  
I need to see Zoey. On the screen she is so happy. She is so young. Oh, I need this. I need to see her. And if this footage and the broadcast photographic stills are all I can have, I will settle for that.  
  
A short time later, the screen goes dark.  
  
"You shouldn't be watching that," I hear Leo's stern voice from behind.  
  
"You don't knock anymore?" I snidely question, as I stand up, go over to him and snatch the remote from his hand. I turn around and click the television back on.  
  
"Not tonight I don't," he tells me in a tone that shows no fear.  
  
He should be afraid. Very afraid. Because I am not fucking around tonight. I am not holding back.  
  
"Don't try to intimidate me, Leo," I warn him, sitting back down on the bed to see my little girl.  
  
Leo walks over and stands next to me, looking at the television. "I'm here to talk to you."  
  
"I'm busy."  
  
"I really don't care," he tosses back.  
  
"What do you want, Leo?"  
  
"You want someone to blame for this, Abbey?"  
  
I sigh loudly. I have no desire to talk about this with him.  
  
"Are you going to answer my question?" he urges defiantly.  
  
I remain silent.  
  
"Oh, I see you're quiet now. I guess you had enough to say earlier when you blamed your husband for your daughter's disappearance."  
  
"Leo," I counter tightly, "Butt out."  
  
"You blamed Zoey's disappearance on Jed's being president, Abbey!" he shouts. "I will not butt out of this one, because lady, you are dead wrong!"  
  
I stand up. "Get the hell out of my room, Leo."  
  
"You want to blame someone," he continues desperately, "Blame me."  
  
"Oh, that's right!" I shout now. "That's just like you, Leo! Always taking the blame for him! You know, ever since you gave up the booze and stopped blaming others for your addiction, you've taken the personal acceptance of blame thing a little too far, you know that?!"  
  
Leo's eyes narrowed. "I'm gonna let that one pass because you are in a pain I can't even imagine. But, the next time."  
  
"The next time what?" I challenge.  
  
He takes a step toward me. "If your logic is sound, then it is my fault, Abbey. I convinced him to run, remember?"  
  
I laugh bitterly. "You didn't put a gun to his head! He's a big boy, Leo and is usually quite capable of making his own decisions. At least he was until he came here." I can feel the weight in my stomach form and the resentment start to rise once more. "He used to be his own man. Now, he can hardly make a choice anymore without a staff meeting, a public poll or a consultation with you!"  
  
Leo grabs my shoulder and shakes me. "Listen, Abbey! Jed Bartlet just made the hardest decision that he's ever had to make! He gave up the presidency! And he didn't consult me, the staff, the press or the public. He TOLD me he was done. There aren't many men who are able to stay that cool and collected in the face of this situation."  
  
I push myself away from him. "Don't be my marriage counselor, Leo! I don't need your damn help! And, I certainly don't need you telling me about my husband!"  
  
Leo takes a step backward. "Fine," he says quietly. "But you'd better get help from somewhere, because at this rate, I'm doing all I can to help get your daughter back. And, as sure as I am that we will get her back alive and all right, I'm equally not as sure that your marriage will withstand this."  
  
I say nothing to him.  
  
"You take things to far, Abbey," he continues to explain. "We love you for your passion, your independence, your strength and your outspokenness-but sometimes..your stubbornness overshadows it all and turns it into something dark. Something your closest friends don't even recognize."  
  
I step toward Leo again. "Are you accusing me of being crazy?"  
  
"I'm just saying," he begins gently. "You aren't coping with this well and you may need someone to help you out of the hole you've dug yourself into. I don't recognize you, Abbey. The Abbey I know would never hurt her husband the way she did tonight-no matter what the circumstances."  
  
I lower my head. "Please, leave."  
  
Leo nods. "All right." He turns to leave.  
  
"Leo?"  
  
"Yeah?" he replies, looking over his shoulder.  
  
"Is he.is he ok?"  
  
He doesn't even look at me. "No. He's not. If you wanted him to feel the pain you are experiencing, congratulate yourself, Abbey. You succeeded."  
  
As Leo leaves, I am left with my own confusion and guilt.  
  
Not two seconds after the door shuts, the telephone rings. I walk over and pick it up, praying that it's news about Zoey.  
  
"Hello?" I answer anxiously and then hold my breath.  
  
"Abbey," I hear the familiar voice greet me. "It's John. John Hoynes."  
  
My breath escapes quickly from my lungs. "Oh, John. It's you."  
  
"Abbey.I don't even know what to say." he begins shakily.  
  
"It's ok, John," I say to him.  
  
"Any news?"  
  
"No.no news." I report, my voice breaking.  
  
"I wish there was something I could do."  
  
"There is," I say, a tear falling down my cheek.  
  
"Name it."  
  
"I could really use a friend right now." I start to cry.  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can," he says and hangs up the phone.  
  
I set down the receiver and start to cry in earnest.  
  
I told CJ earlier that I wanted the doctor to give me the same thing those bastards gave to my daughter when they kidnapped her.  
  
I think right now, I'm experiencing a fraction of the emotional pain and isolation that she must be going through.  
  
I hope that she's stronger than I am, because right now, I think I'm teetering over an abyss.  
  
And I don't like what I see down there.not at all.  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (9/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
I told CJ earlier that I wanted the doctor to give me the same thing those bastards gave to my daughter when they kidnapped her.  
  
I think right now, I'm experiencing a fraction of the emotional pain and isolation that she must be going through.  
  
I hope that she's stronger than I am, because right now, I think I'm teetering over an abyss.  
  
And I don't like what I see down there.not at all.  
  
There are very few things in life that cushions a fall better than a good binge. Glutting oneself on a vice of choice seems to have a nice effect on the central nervous system-a dulling, a deadening, if you will.  
  
Deadening. A bad choice of words for a night like tonight.  
  
Night? It stopped being night hours ago.  
  
Well, anyway, my vice of choice at this moment? Scotch.  
  
It's not a particular favorite of mine, but it's readily accessible around here and you know the saying: any port in a storm.  
  
Besides, after a glass-or three-it all tastes about the same. The only thing that matters is that it's warm and has a little bite to it.  
  
As for the warmth, I don't think that a blast furnace could take away the chill that has overtaken me.  
  
The sun is on the horizon. Morning has broken.  
  
But, it's not a new day for me.  
  
Until my baby comes home, it is simply one continuous, endless night.  
  
The sun rises slowly in between the buildings and monuments-appearing to almost play a taunting game of 'peekaboo' with me. I swear I can practically hear it teasing me, "I'm here, but you can't feel me, can you?"  
  
I yank down the window shade with hostility.  
  
I hear a faint tapping on the door. "Mrs. Bartlet?"  
  
Lily stands at the door waiting for me to answer.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Vice President." She stops cold. "I mean, John Hoynes is here to see you."  
  
"Thank you, Lily. Show him in," I instruct.  
  
She opens the door fully and John passes her with his long strides. "Thank you, Lily," he echoes. She acknowledges his thanks and silently makes her departure.  
  
"Abbey," he says, taking only a few more steps to reach me. "How are you holding up?"  
  
"I'm still standing, to quote a favorite tune of mine," I say with a sarcastic chuckle.  
  
He gives me a hug and immediately notices the odor of alcohol. "You've been drinking?" he asks, sounding quite disappointed.  
  
"You're not going to lecture me, too, are you?" I mock.  
  
"I don't lecture, Abbey. It's not my style," he replies. "Besides, I am not a stupid man. I know better than to try that with you."  
  
I nod and turn away from him. "Maybe you could give a few pointers to some people around here."  
  
He doesn't reply for a minute or so. I go and sit at my desk and just stare at him.  
  
"I didn't expect to find you in your office," he comments.  
  
"I needed a place to be alone and, well, President Walken was kind enough to allow me to keep my office during his tenure in office."  
  
John winces slightly.  
  
"I have to say, John, you must be kicking the shit out of yourself right about now. The timing of your resignation really sucked!" I hear myself laughing at the absurdity of the situation and my comment.  
  
Imagine my shock when I notice a wry smile inch across his lips. "Yeah, well..Don't think that I haven't." Then, abruptly, his expression becomes grim. "This would not have been the way that I wanted to become president, you know. Not at the expense of someone else."  
  
"Oh, of course.Except during an election," I quip.  
  
With an eyebrow raised, John sits on the edge of my desk. "Maybe.but certainly not at Zoey's expense. You must know that."  
  
"Yeah, I know," I say softly, looking down at the papers on my desk. "We supposedly have the most high tech surveillance equipment in the world, with the best trained people on the planet and we hear NOTHING!! It's like she's vanished, John!" My voice is trembling now.  
  
"They're doing everything they can. You do have the best agencies in the world working on this. I guarantee it."  
  
"I don't take much stock in promises or guarantees anymore," I shoot back as I stand up. I go over to pour myself another drink. I hold up an empty glass. "Care for one?"  
  
John moves beside me and looks over my shoulder. "As long as you're talking about water and that you are planning on having the same."  
  
I hand him the glass and wave my hand at him. "Sorry, Johnny, but I don't think water is going to cut it for me tonight."  
  
"First of all," he proceeds, setting his glass down deliberately. "There is only one person in the world allowed to call me Johnny.and believe me, Abbey, you are not my mother."  
  
I pour myself a drink and grumble.  
  
"Second, offering a recovering alcoholic a drink is pretty insensitive, don't you think?"  
  
Yeah, it is. But, instead of saying so, I shrug my shoulders. I place the now almost empty bottle back on the table.  
  
"Thirdly." he begins.  
  
"You have a lot of reasons, don't you?"  
  
"I don't see you going anywhere," he replies, undeterred. "Thirdly, don't you think that you should stop drinking that now?"  
  
I take a long sip from my glass. "I thought you said you weren't going to lecture me."  
  
"I'm not lecturing you. I'm just saying.Do you want Zoey seeing you like this when they bring her home?"  
  
Now that was a cheap shot.  
  
Still, he must have struck a chord, because I watch myself set the glass down.  
  
"I'm not even sure they will bring her home," I mutter, walking away from the drink.  
  
"You need to stop thinking like that, Abbey," John insists. He watches me sit back down as he stops to think of what to say next. "Where is Jed?"  
  
"I have no idea where that jackass is," I report. "He's probably commiserating with Leo over losing his precious presidency."  
  
Pulling a chair over next to mine, he takes my hand. "Do you think that now is the best time for the two of you to have one of your infamous little squabbles? The two of you should be supporting each other now."  
  
"This isn't a squabble, John. I finally told him everything."  
  
He sits back in his chair. "Everything? Meaning?"  
  
"It doesn't matter," I dismiss. "First he tries to act all noble for 'sacrificing' the presidency, then his buddy comes in and tries to tell me that I'm a psycho."  
  
"Whoa, whoa," John protests. "Leo called you a psycho?"  
  
I look at the drink sitting on the table across the room. I shouldn't have left it there. "Never mind, John."  
  
"Abbey." He tightens his grip on my hand.  
  
The door swings open. "Ma'am?" It's Lily. And she's breathless.  
  
John and I immediately stand up.  
  
"What is it?" we say simultaneously.  
  
"There's news." she declares.  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (10/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
"It doesn't matter," I dismiss. "First he tries to act all noble for 'sacrificing' the presidency, then his buddy comes in and tries to tell me that I'm a psycho."  
  
"Whoa, whoa," John protests. "Leo called you a psycho?"  
  
I look at the drink sitting on the table across the room. I shouldn't have left it there. "Never mind, John."  
  
"Abbey." He tightens his grip on my hand.  
  
The door swings open. "Ma'am?" It's Lily. And she's breathless.  
  
John and I immediately stand up.  
  
"What is it?" we say simultaneously.  
  
"There's news." she declares.  
  
Before my assistant can get another word out, I bolt past her and start down the hall.  
  
"Abbey!" I hear John call out behind as he rushes to keep up. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I need to find out!" I shout back. By now, both John and Lily are out of my line of sight. I don't have time to wait for them.  
  
As I turn a corner, I see Jed and Leo heading for us.  
  
"Jed!" I call out, my feelings of anger temporarily out of mind. "What's going on?"  
  
Jed looks at Leo, who nods at him. "There's a video," he tells me.  
  
"A video?" I choke out.  
  
Jed takes my hand. "It's only about thirty second's worth of tape. She looks ok."  
  
I glance over at Leo. "Has Secret Service confirmed that it's her?"  
  
Leo nods again. "Yes. They wouldn't have shown it to us if they weren't sure."  
  
My eyes dart back and forth between the pair. "You've both seen the tape already?"  
  
"Yes, Abbey," Jed tells me somberly.  
  
"Why wasn't I there?" I demand.  
  
"Because, you were here, and I didn't know that at the time," Jed tries to explain.  
  
"You should have waited until I was there!" I cry.  
  
"Time is important, Abbey. We didn't know where you were and the agents insisted that we see the tape." Leo continued.  
  
More explanations. More rationalizations.  
  
"I want to see that tape. NOW!" I order.  
  
"Abbey, what is it?" I hear John as he approaches. Lily is right beside him, gasping for air.  
  
Both Jed and Leo look utterly surprised to see him here.  
  
"John," Jed starts. "What are you doing here?"  
  
John regards my husband and pauses a second. "I came back to see if there was anything I could do to help, sir."  
  
Leo glances sideways at Jed. "We have every agency in the country working on this, John."  
  
"I realize that, Leo," John replies, sounding mildly annoyed. "I came for personal support."  
  
"Enough chit chat!" I snarl. "Let's go! I want to see my baby!"  
  
And before anyone can protest, I am off again and headed back to the West Wing.  
  
Leo opens the door to his office and as soon as everyone is inside, shuts it.  
  
"I'm not sure that you should be here," Leo tells John.  
  
I roll my eyes and throw up my hands. "Would you all just shut the hell up? Where is the tape?"  
  
Leo steps over to the television "Abbey, we're not talking about a home movie here."  
  
"Well, thank you so much for telling me that! I thought maybe they had footage of her sixth birthday!" I scoff. "Put the damn thing on!"  
  
Leo sighs deeply, turns the power on and backs away.  
  
And then, because of the 'miracle of modern technology', she's in the room with us.  
  
Leo was right. It's not a pretty picture.  
  
She has a few bruises. Immediately, I'm in doctor mode. She doesn't look seriously injured. At least, not physically.  
  
My Zoey is bound by her hands and feet. A gag is secured around her mouth so she cannot speak. Her clothing is slightly torn. Her eyes still look like she's coming down off of the drugs she was given.  
  
And the tears.hundreds of them.  
  
In a flash, she's gone again. Not a word was spoken on the tape.  
  
"They sent this to taunt us," I state.  
  
"Yes." Ron has entered the room now. "I'm afraid you are right."  
  
"Are there no clues?" My eyes look pleadingly at the chief agent of security.  
  
"There was a note. It's not much, but it's a start. And, combining that one with the other one that was faxed-and with the tape.we're doing our best."  
  
I look away from Ron and focus on Jed. He's not even looking at me right now.  
  
"So, to answer your question, Mrs. Bartlet, there are some clues," Ron lets me know.  
  
"I hope that you do a better job finding her than you did protecting her," I toss out indignantly.  
  
"Abbey! That's enough!" Jed barks at me.  
  
"No, sir.I did let you down," Ron returns stoically.  
  
"Abbey," Jed proceeds angrily. "You can have a bug up your ass at me all you want, but DO NOT drag everyone else into this!"  
  
An incredibly awkward silence takes over.  
  
"Now, did you have something else you wanted to say?" Jed challenges.  
  
"Yes, Jed." I say quietly.  
  
He takes a deep breath. With a sense of completion, he instructs, "Fine, go ahead."  
  
"FUCK YOU!" I bellow and storm out of the room.  
  
I wish I could disappear off the face of the earth right now. But, where can I go?  
  
I step into one of the side rooms and start to cry again. I didn't think I had any tears left.  
  
A few minutes later, I hear a gentle voice and a hand touch my shoulder.  
  
"Let me get you out of here for a while."  
  
I look over my shoulder and through my tears I see John standing there, holding out his other hand.  
  
I nod and take his hand.  
  
"Where do you want to go?" he asks quietly.  
  
"Out of here. Anywhere. Please, just get me out of here," I beg  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (11/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
"Now, did you have something else you wanted to say?" Jed challenges.  
  
"Yes, Jed." I say quietly.  
  
He takes a deep breath. With a sense of completion, he instructs, "Fine, go ahead."  
  
"FUCK YOU!" I bellow and storm out of the room.  
  
I wish I could disappear off the face of the earth right now. But, where can I go?  
  
I step into one of the side rooms and start to cry again. I didn't think I had any tears left.  
  
A few minutes later, I hear a gentle voice and a hand touch my shoulder.  
  
"Let me get you out of here for a while."  
  
I look over my shoulder and through my tears I see John standing there, holding out his other hand.  
  
I nod and take his hand.  
  
"Where do you want to go?" he asks quietly.  
  
"Out of here. Anywhere. Please, just get me out of here," I beg  
  
******************JED'S POV********************  
  
"Who the hell does he think he is?" I ask Leo, commenting on John Hoynes' lecture before he stormed out of the room.  
  
My chief of staff is just standing and staring at the door.  
  
"I mean, the man resigns because he's having an extramarital affair," I continue, "loses his career and now possibly his wife and he has the audacity to come back here and lecture me about."  
  
Leo isn't listening. I can always tell. He has this look that clearly says, "I've tuned you out now, sir." Of course, that's Leo talking in his work mode. If he weren't my chief of staff, he'd probably just say, "Jed, would you shut the hell up? I'm not listening anyway!"  
  
"Leo." I attempt to get his attention. "Are you listening to me?"  
  
"Huh?" is all he replies.  
  
"You've been staring at that damn door since he left. I'm trying to talk to you and you're not even paying attention?"  
  
"I was listening, sir. I was also thinking," he clarifies.  
  
"If you were listening, then what did I just say," I urge.  
  
His stare is now fixed on me. "You were wondering why John is suddenly your wife's knight and shining armor," he replies seriously.  
  
I fold my arms in front of me. "I never said that."  
  
"But that's what you meant," Leo interrupts in a matter of fact tone.  
  
Yeah, he always sees through the line of bullshit. Still, I shrug.  
  
"How long have the two of them been close?" Leo asks me, as if it's the most normal thing in the world.  
  
Close? Abbey and John? "I wouldn't say they are close, Leo."  
  
Leo looks again at the door. "Hmm. Well, for all intents and purposes, he's gone from Washington. Then, suddenly, he's back. And, he's with Abbey. Then, when she bolts, he takes off after her..."  
  
"What are you getting at?"  
  
"I'm saying that wouldn't you think that John Hoynes has much bigger problems on his mind than this. Why is he here?"  
  
I look at Leo. "I don't know, Leo! I didn't get a chance to ask him before he called me a son of a bitch and left.and that was right after my wife told me to fuck off." I frown. "And I'm supposed to be the one with a memory problem."  
  
"Joke all you want, sir, but this strikes me as odd. As is the fact that I have to ask you this little question: why aren't YOU with your wife right now?"  
  
"Leo!! She just told me to fuck off!" I defend haughtily.  
  
"Since when has that stopped you before?"  
  
"You're going to be my marriage counselor now? I really don't think that you are the person to be giving me relationship advice, do you?"  
  
My best friend's mouth stiffens a little at this jab. "Go ahead and lash out all you want. It's worked like gangbusters on your wife. But, you see, I don't run off like she did. I'm actually quite surprised at Abbey. She's usually much more of a fighter than that."  
  
"Don't give me crap now, Leo," I grumble. "I have other things to worry about."  
  
"Really? I think you need to consider the fact that Zoey will probably come home relatively intact from all of this, but." He trails off at the end, unsure if he should continue.  
  
"Oh, you've started, don't let a guilty conscience get in the way now," I press.  
  
"But, I'm not so sure that your marriage will, sir," he concludes resolutely. "I'm going to go see if I can get another security briefing for you within the next ten minutes, and then I have to go and relieve Josh and Toby, who is keeping a close eye on our new president." He cringes slightly as he says that.  
  
So does my stomach, but I won't let on about that. At least, not right now.  
  
Leo heads for his office door. "You might want to go find your wife. I may not know a lot about relationships, as you so succinctly put in at moment ago. But I do know that I wouldn't want a younger, much more attractive man comforting my woman in a time of crisis."  
  
"You had to thrown in the much more there, didn't you?"  
  
Leo rolls his eyes. "Of course. And don't even think about drinking any more. You've had a couple this evening. You are done. If I can't drink tonight, then neither can you."  
  
I sigh deeply. "It's not last night anymore, Leo. My little girl is still gone and it's tomorrow already."  
  
"All the more reason why you need to keep a sharp mind.now, go find your damn wife. I have enough to deal with without having to play Dr. Phil for the two of you."  
  
He slams the door behind him.  
  
"Dr. Phil?" I call out after him in vain. "Who asked you to??!!"  
  
The tape shuts itself off after reaching the end and the news comes back on, yanking me back into this now endless hell I'm living.  
  
Look at her. So beautiful. So vivacious. So smart.  
  
So much like her mother.  
  
I realize that most say that Zoey is her father's daughter. And, by most accounts, she is. But, only I know my baby girl well enough to see all the wonderful qualities she shares with her mother.  
  
There is her determination, her compassion and tolerance of others. Then, of course, there is her stubbornness.  
  
Ok, well, Zoey gets that from both her mother and me, I suppose.  
  
This must be killing her.Abbey, I mean. She is usually the rock, the glue that holds all of us together.  
  
And now she's coming undone.  
  
But so am I.  
  
I'm used to leaning on her. I'm used to her leaning on me.  
  
Yet, here I am.alone in Leo's office.  
  
And she's taken off for God knows where.  
  
I guess there is only one way to find out.  
  
I head out of Leo's office and ask Margaret which way my wife went.  
  
She points down the hall and I tell her thank you.  
  
"Excuse me, Mr. President." she continues.  
  
I stop. "Yes, Margaret."  
  
She looks a little discomfited. "She's not around now."  
  
"Not around?" I ask, confused.  
  
"Yes, sir," she proceeds.  
  
"Where is she now, then?"  
  
Her eyes dart away from mine for a second. "She left with the Vice.I mean, the former Vice President.about five minutes ago, sir."  
  
Left?  
  
Abbey left? With Zoey gone?  
  
Left with John Hoynes?  
  
But, they aren't even close..  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (12/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..  
  
"Excuse me, Mr. President." she continues.  
  
I stop. "Yes, Margaret."  
  
She looks a little discomfited. "She's not around now."  
  
"Not around?" I ask, confused.  
  
"Yes, sir," she proceeds.  
  
"Where is she now, then?"  
  
Her eyes dart away from mine for a second. "She left with the Vice.I mean, the former Vice President.about five minutes ago, sir."  
  
Left?  
  
Abbey left? With Zoey gone?  
  
Left with John Hoynes?  
  
But, they aren't even close..  
  
******John's POV******  
  
Abbey allows me to walk with her around some of the gardens. I really thought that it would be good for her to just get away from this place, but it's understandable that she doesn't want to be away from here while Zoey is still missing.  
  
"I shouldn't have said that to Jed," she says through the last of her tears.  
  
"Why not? You can't tell him how you feel?"  
  
"Telling him to fuck off was a little much, even for me."  
  
I take her arm and turn her toward me. "You have a right to say whatever you want. You can let them bully you anymore, Abbey."  
  
"Jed is hurting, too. We should be with each other right now. But at this moment, all I want to do is slap his face."  
  
I nod and stay silent. She starts to walk again and I fall into step next to her. We stroll a little ways and just try to take in what's around us. I'm not sure what Abbey is able to take in at this point. I think she's reached maximum capacity.  
  
"I'm worried about you." You would think that would go without saying, but I thought it was important for her to hear that from someone. My bet is that she doesn't hear that very much.  
  
"Worry about Zoey. She's the one who needs our prayers."  
  
"Zoey has hundreds, if not thousands of people looking for her. She has the prayers of millions of people, not just Americans, but all around the world."  
  
"That still may not be enough, I'm afraid."  
  
More moments pass quietly. This is what it feels like to be powerless.  
  
"Did you and Jed have words when I left?" Her question seems like it's from nowhere.  
  
"I wouldn't say that."  
  
"All right. What would you say, then?"  
  
"Having words implies there was a conversation. There certainly was no conversation between myself and your husband."  
  
Her curiosity is piqued. I can tell by the raising of her eyebrow.  
  
"If my recall is accurate, and with little sleep, I can't be certain that it is, when you left and I started after you, your husband told me to mind my own business. I promptly told him that while I was very sorry for the fact that Zoey was missing, that was a license to treat you so terribly."  
  
Abbey remains still as I recap my "exchange" with the President of the United States.  
  
"I think that was the point where I called him an arrogant son of a bitch and left the room," I conclude.  
  
"Wow. That must have gone over well."  
  
I shrug. "I really didn't stick around long enough to find out. The fact that he didn't go after you when you left totally amazed me, Abbey."  
  
"Nothing amazes me anymore." She hesitates and then adds, "An arrogant son of a bitch?"  
  
"It takes one to know one." And, while I know that it is probably one of the most inappropriate times to do so, I smile.  
  
To my surprise, so does she.  
  
"Thank you, John. But, I really don't need a knight in shining armor to defend me."  
  
"Of course not. But, it doesn't hurt to have someone looking out for you for a change."  
  
Her smile softens, but does not fade completely. "It is nice, yes. Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"How is Suzanne?"  
  
Now there's an abrupt subject change.  
  
"Leaving me." I might as well tell her the truth.  
  
"Can you blame her?" Abbey has never been one to beat around the bush or pull any punches.  
  
"She's not leaving me because of Helen."  
  
Now both eyebrows are raised, but this time it's more from doubt than her curiosity.  
  
"Well, ok, my affair with Helen may have been part of it, but it's more than that. She hasn't been living with me for a while. I thought that was common knowledge behind the so-called closed doors of Washington."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, John."  
  
"We just.drifted apart, I guess. My ambition got in the way. So did hers. You know, I don't think she ever forgave me for losing the nomination to Jed."  
  
"Forgive you?"  
  
I lean back against one of the pillars and close my eyes. "Suzanne sacrificed a lot to support my run for office.from the time I started in Texas, until I reached the Senate. When we climbed on the presidential bandwagon, well, we both pretty much thought it was a lock."  
  
"And you called Jed arrogant."  
  
"I said it takes one to know one, remember? Anyway, from the time I lost the nomination, things got worse.and, well.I'll spare you the details, but here we are. I guess she just feel as though she'd given up enough."  
  
"I kind of know how she feels." Abbey leans against another pillar.  
  
"You're stronger than Suzanne could ever dream of being."  
  
"Once upon a time, maybe. But, now? I'm not so certain."  
  
The sound of footsteps approaching pulls my gaze away from her.  
  
"I'd like to speak to my wife," Jed says as he reaches us. His tone, as well as his glare cuts through the air sharply. "Or do I have to go through you, now, John?"  
  
I attempt to speak up but Abbey interrupts. "Jed, I'm right here. Don't be an ass."  
  
"Well, after your little display earlier."  
  
"Did you come here to fight with me?" Abbey sounds weary, as if actually speaking is draining the last of whatever energy she has left.  
  
"No.But I also didn't come here to speak in front of a crowd." He stares at me.  
  
I stare right back. "I wouldn't call one person a crowd."  
  
"I believe the old saying goes: two's company, three's a crowd. No, if you'd please, John, I'd like to speak with my wife. ALONE."  
  
It's time for me to back off and regroup. "Fine. But, I'll be right inside."  
  
"Why are you here, anyway?" Jed challenges me.  
  
"I believe I answered that question earlier, or don't you remember, sir?" Yeah, it's a pretty petty thing to say, but the man is really pissing me off right now.  
  
"You said you came to help. But, why?? You've never been close to my family."  
  
"Apparently, there are some things that the omniscient Jed Bartlet doesn't even know." I'm not going to do this, at least not here and not now. "I'll be right inside."  
  
I walk to one of the doors and step back into the building. From behind the curtained window, I watch.  
  
And wait.  
  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (13/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From John's POV)  
  
"Why are you here, anyway?" Jed challenges me.  
  
"I believe I answered that question earlier, or don't you remember, sir?" Yeah, it's a pretty petty thing to say, but the man is really pissing me off right now.  
  
"You said you came to help. But, why?? You've never been close to my family."  
  
"Apparently, there are some things that the omniscient Jed Bartlet doesn't even know." I'm not going to do this, at least not here and not now. "I'll be right inside."  
  
I walk to one of the doors and step back into the building. From behind the curtained window, I watch.  
  
And wait.  
  
ABBEY'S POV  
  
"You're treating him like a criminal! John is trying to be helpful and you're standing there pointing fingers at the man!"  
  
"Abbey, I have bigger things to worry about than hurting John Hoynes' feelings, ok?"  
  
"If you came here to argue, I am not interested." I turn to leave, but Jed grabs a firm hold of my arm.  
  
"I came here to talk, Abbey, but you are making it damn near impossible!"  
  
The yelling, it appears, has reached its apex. We are at a standstill.  
  
"So, talk."  
  
"You have to stop blaming others from what's happened to Zoey. You want to blame me, fine, "  
  
"Is Zoey here?"  
  
"Abbey.."  
  
"Jed," I snap back, "She's not here! She's supposed to be protected!"  
  
"And so it's Ron's fault? It's my fault?! Good Lord, Abbey..I understand your pain. Heaven knows I share it completely. But to go off and say these things."  
  
"WHO WAS PROTECTING OUR BABY, JED???"  
  
"We don't know what happened. She may have evaded her agents."  
  
My mouth falls open. "Are you trying to tell me that you think this is her fault?"  
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"Then what the hell are you saying?" I demand.  
  
"I'm saying, she's done it before. This time, it just may have been one time too many."  
  
"She promised us she would take her panic button. She promised you that she wouldn't do that anymore after you told her that lovely little horror story a couple of years ago."  
  
Jed turns slightly pale at this. "All I'm saying is, stop looking to place the blame, Abbey. The only people to blame are the bastards who took her. Not me, not Leo, not Ron."  
  
My head is throbbing and I lean again upon one of the white pillars. "Fine."  
  
Jed's eyes glance over to the door from which John left us. "What is it that I don't know about him?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"He said there were things that even the omniscient Jed Bartlet doesn't know."  
  
"Are we back on this again?"  
  
"If it deals with my family, I think I should know."  
  
I exhale deeply. "Jed, are you going to let your jealousy get in the way of common sense and logic?"  
  
He stays quiet a little longer than I anticipate. "Should I?"  
  
"Oh, please."  
  
"What don't I know about?"  
  
"As you said before, Jed, I have bigger things to worry about."  
  
"Why are you being so evasive?"  
  
"Why are you interrogating me?" Our voices are rising again.  
  
"Would you just answer me, please?" He's standing right in front of me now, only inches from my face.  
  
"I don't think I like the implications of your tone, Jed."  
  
"I don't think I like you avoiding my questions, Abbey."  
  
This serve and volley is really annoying me.  
  
"You know, Abbey.it seemed kind of odd to me that John would resign over Helen Baldwin. She's minor league. The party could have saved his nomination. But, now I wonder." He looks back over in John's direction.  
  
"Wonder what?"  
  
"If Helen Baldwin wasn't the real reason why John stepped down.that maybe there was another person in the mix who maybe was more of a liability to reveal."  
  
There are no words I can say that would be even remotely close to adequate. So, instead, I step around him and go to the door where John is. I see him peeking outside the window. When he sees me, he steps away and opens the door.  
  
"John."  
  
"Is everything ok?" His tone is nothing short of genuine concern.  
  
I lead him out by the hand and bring him before Jed. "Apparently, my husband believes that Helen hasn't been your only conquest, John."  
  
John looks at me, wide-eyed. I fix my stare now on my husband, whom, if possible, is gaping even more than his former vice president.  
  
"So, John, should I tell him, or should you?"  
  
John swallows. "Tell him? Tell him what?"  
  
"The truth," I prompt.  
  
"Are you serious, Abbey?"  
  
"Yes, John. Please.my husband wants to know about our relationship."  
  
"I really don't think now is such a good time," he protests.  
  
"Oh, I think it's a perfect time," Jed counters.  
  
"All right," John concedes.  
  
"Jed thinks that you and I have been screwing around." I decide upon the direct approach. I can see Jed's face reddening by the second.  
  
My anger has taken me over the edge now. There is no turning back.  
  
If he wants war, he's got it.  
  
Now, for the first time, he has no staff-no military to back him up for a combat situation.  
  
It's Jed vs. Abbey.just the two of us.  
  
And it looks like the gloves are off.  
  
TBC 


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (14/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From Abbey's POV)  
  
"Yes, John. Please.my husband wants to know about our relationship."  
  
"I really don't think now is such a good time," he protests.  
  
"Oh, I think it's a perfect time," Jed counters.  
  
"All right," John concedes.  
  
"Jed thinks that you and I have been screwing around." I decide upon the direct approach. I can see Jed's face reddening by the second.  
  
My anger has taken me over the edge now. There is no turning back.  
  
If he wants war, he's got it.  
  
Now, for the first time, he has no staff-no military to back him up for a combat situation.  
  
It's Jed vs. Abbey.just the two of us.  
  
And it looks like the gloves are off.  
  
Jed POV  
  
"You have exactly two seconds to start explaining." I now know what it feels like to be on the verge of an aneurism.  
  
John's eyes dart in Abbey's direction and then focus on me. "Are you crazy or just stupid?"  
  
"You know, you have been pushing for me to knock you in the face since you got back here. I'll have you know that this is MY wife. You're assistance is not needed during a crisis."  
  
The man that was once my VP folds his arms. "I do happen to know that, Jed. But, would I be here if my help wasn't needed? She wants me here. And, why do you think that is?"  
  
"That's what I'm trying to determine!"  
  
Abbey is standing between us with this vaguely satisfied smirk on her face.  
  
"Do you honestly think that your wife would betray you?" John shakes his head and whistles through his teeth. "This is worse than I thought. You really have no clue about Abbey or what she needs."  
  
I grit my teeth. "I take it you think you know."  
  
I watch as his lips twitch into a small smile. "Well, Jed.I think you may have finally figured out the reason why I am here."  
  
"Abbey," I turn sharply to my wife. But, no other words seem able to come out of my mouth.  
  
"The fact that you would even think that I would sleep with another man." she replies, disgusted.  
  
"Oh, no, not this time, Abigail. You are NOT going to blame me for making these accusations. You said there was a relationship between you."  
  
"That's right, jackass. But you see, contrary to what you believe, a man and a woman can have a healthy relationship that doesn't involve sex."  
  
I feel the bile jump to the middle of my esophagus. This woman isn't my wife. She is bitter. She is hurtful.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" I ask my wife.  
  
"Because I don't know you, Jed. And it's clear you don't me, it seems. How do you think it makes me feel to not know us anymore! Sleep with John! I almost wish I had when I had the chance!" The tears are spilling over from her eyes as she gulps for air.  
  
Before I can respond, John steps between us. "I think that this discussion is over."  
  
"BUTT OUT, JOHN!" I yell and lunge for him.  
  
Abbey steps aside and John puts his hand out, blocking my access to him. This is one of those times where my height is a significant disadvantage.  
  
In a flash, agents are everywhere and a voice of reason rises above the impending melee.  
  
"Mr. President, Mrs. Bartlet!" Ron shouts. "We have her!"  
  
All of our heads swing in his direction.  
  
"What did you say?" Did I hear correctly?  
  
"Bookbag is secure!" he proclaims. "She is on her way to GW."  
  
"GW?" Abbey gasps. "Ron, is she."  
  
"She needs some medical attention, but overall she seems ok, ma'am. A car is waiting for you."  
  
I grab Abbey's hand. "Let's go."  
  
John takes two steps forward. I shoot him the glare of death. Hell, if I could, I'd grab a pistol and shoot him for real.  
  
"Wait here," my wife quietly tells him. "Please, don't go."  
  
Nausea almost overtakes me, but John nods and allows me to take my wife away without incident.  
  
I hate this damn hospital. It has a lot of bad memories for me, the least of which was my getting shot.  
  
It's all the waiting the people make you do here.  
  
I'm the President of the United States and still they make me wait.  
  
"I'm telling you right now," I say aloud to no one in particular, "I'd better see my daughter in less than thirty seconds or all hell is going to break loose."  
  
"Sir, they are doing the best they can," Leo says. Within moments of our arrival, he somehow makes his appearance. Clark Kent has nothing on my chief of staff.  
  
"Don't tell me that, Leo!" I bark. "I'm not interested! All I want is to see my kid!"  
  
"Would you just shut up?" Abbey snaps. "You know there are better ways to get information and access than being a big pompous windbag!"  
  
Leo looks at the two of us with great discomfort.  
  
"Do you want to see Zoey or not?" Abbey hisses to me.  
  
"Of course," I reply, a little more quietly now.  
  
"Then be quiet and let me do the talking for once." My wife sighs deeply and takes my hand. She leads me to the nurse's station.  
  
"Pardon me," she calmly requests. "Could you tell me how much longer it will be before my husband and I can see our daughter?"  
  
The nurse smiles sympathetically. "We're checking her in right now. It should only be a few more moments, Mrs. Bartlet."  
  
Abbey nods. "Thank you."  
  
I study my wife. You can take the license away from the doctor, but you can never take the doctor out of the woman.  
  
I've always seen Abbey's doctor mode as an odd combination of annoying and erotic. Annoying when she's harassing me about what I eat, what vitamins I take or not.Erotic? Well, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that one out, does it?  
  
"You know, for a people person, you have an uncanny ability to ruffle people's feathers," she notes.  
  
"So you've said before."  
  
She rolls her eyes.  
  
"Have you heard any information about her condition?" I want to know the worst, if there is any, before I see my little girl.  
  
"Only bits and pieces. It seems that the worst effects are from the drugs in her system. Some cuts and scrapes." She pauses and closes her eyes.  
  
"Any sign of." I can't even bear to think about it. If those bastards..  
  
"I don't know," she quickly answers.  
  
"President Bartlet? Mrs. Bartlet?"  
  
The two of us see a doctor emerge from a treatment room.  
  
"We've admitted Zoey for observation. Why don't you come with me so I can share the details of her condition with you?"  
  
I go to speak, but the lump in my throat prevents the sound.  
  
"Thank you, Doctor," Abbey says, taking my hand.  
  
TBC 


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (15/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From Jed's POV)  
  
"President Bartlet? Mrs. Bartlet?"  
  
The two of us see a doctor emerge from a treatment room.  
  
"We've admitted Zoey for observation. Why don't you come with me so I can share the details of her condition with you?"  
  
I go to speak, but the lump in my throat prevents the sound.  
  
"Thank you, Doctor," Abbey says, taking my hand.  
  
Abbey's POV  
  
I try to read the doctor's face. As a doctor myself, I know that's relatively pointless. He motions for us to sit down in the chairs in front of his desk.  
  
Amazingly, we both comply without argument.  
  
"Doctor, I don't want you holding anything back. If there's anything I can't stand not having all the details."  
  
"I understand, Mrs. Bartlet."  
  
"Because I can deal with what I know."  
  
The doctor nods. "Of course." He extends his hand to me. "By the way, I'm Doctor Mansfield."  
  
I shake his hand. "How is our daughter?"  
  
"She seems fine. She has some contusions and cuts. It doesn't seem like she was badly mistreated, as far as being beaten."  
  
Jed clears his throat. "Dr. Mansfied.what about.is there any evidence of sexual." He can't bring himself to finish the words.  
  
"No, sir.there is no evidence of sexual assault, at least in the clinical sense. No signs of penetration, etc."  
  
"Thank God." Jed exhales quickly.  
  
"Of course, we don't really have a lot of details of her captivity," he continues.  
  
"Of course," I echo.  
  
"My main concern, physically, is her reaction to the drugs she ingested."  
  
"We have been told by the authorities that her boyfriend gave her X," I explain.  
  
Picking up Zoey's chart, he confirms, "Yes, we received the same information. According to our tests, she did have some quantities of that in her system.but there were other substances.we're continuing some tests. That's why we'd like to keep her overnight."  
  
"We understand."  
  
Jed extends his hand to shake the doctor's now. "Yes. Do whatever you need to for her."  
  
Doctor Mansfield accepts Jed's gesture. "I can assure you, sir, we will take excellent care of Zoey."  
  
I see Jed blinking quickly. His pain is obvious. "Can we.can we see her?"  
  
There is no demanding now. No bellowing.  
  
"I know how anxious you are to see your daughter," Doctor Mansfield empathizes, "but we'd like to get her fully checked in and in her own room. You can visit her when she's settled."  
  
As I note Jed's body tensing at this news, I take his hand again. "Thank you. Does she at least know we're here?"  
  
"The nurses told her when she was more conscious. Zoey's awareness is still in and out. But, when she was told that you were here, she smiled." The doctor stands up. "I should get back over there and see how things are going. You can wait here in my office if you'd like. I'll come to get you shortly, ok?"  
  
We both rise and say, "Thank you, Doctor."  
  
"He seems.nice." Jed comments. It's the best he can do under these circumstances.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"For once, our prayers have been answered."  
  
I nod. "Not the first time that's happened."  
  
"True." The office is small, so Jed has little room to pace. "I hate waiting."  
  
"I would think that you'd be used to it by now."  
  
"Yeah.you'd think."  
  
I sit back down in my chair.  
  
"I take it you're not still mad at me," Jed states. He says it with such confidence.  
  
I look up at him. "I think now is not a good time to discuss this."  
  
"Abbey.for the love of all things reasonable...Zoey is back."  
  
I stand up again. "Yes, she is back, but we have no idea how she really is. Let's just focus on one thing at a time, ok? Zoey is what is most important right now."  
  
"You don't think we're important?"  
  
I close my eyes. "I never said that. It just seems like you and I are not able to communicate very effectively right now."  
  
"Perhaps things would be better if John were here. You seem to communicate just fine with him." His voice is on edge, but as his wife of over three decades, I know it comes more from hurt than anger.  
  
"This is exactly what I'm talking about," I explain. "Why don't we put our efforts into taking care of our daughter?"  
  
Jed goes to protest once more when the door opens. Doctor Mansfield re enters the office. "Zoey is in her room. She is still rather groggy, but I'm sure she'd love to see you."  
  
I give a weak, but relieved smile. "Thank you!"  
  
"You're welcome. Check in with the nurse's station on your way up. I'll be up to see all of you soon." He departs again quickly.  
  
I go to leave the office, but Jed doesn't move.  
  
"Jed? What are you doing?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What are you doing?" I ask in amazement. "Aren't you coming?"  
  
"Oh, yeah.Sorry."  
  
I stare at him. "Are you ok?"  
  
"Sure. Let's go." He steps in front of my, but I put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Hey." I say.  
  
"What?"  
  
I pause. "Never mind." I need to follow my own advice. This needs to wait until later.  
  
I follow Jed to the nurse's station.  
  
"Zoey Bartlet's room?" I ask the nurse.  
  
The nurse gives us the number and we walk down the hallway. The two of us stand at the door, but neither one of us move immediately to go in.  
  
"Are you ready?" I take Jed's hand again.  
  
But, he doesn't grab a hold of it the way I expect him to.  
  
"I think so."  
  
I squeeze his hand, in spite of it all. "All right. Let's go in."  
  
We push the door open and step inside.  
  
Zoey looks so small in the hospital bed. It reminds me of when we bought her first 'big girl bed' when she was about three.  
  
And here I thought that was traumatic.  
  
She looks far better than I expected she would. I think I prepared myself for the worst.  
  
Jed is silent as we make our way to her bedside. He's crying silently as he reaches out his hand and pushes back a strand of hair that has fallen in her face.  
  
Zoey's eyes flutter for a moment. "Daddy? Mom?"  
  
Jed's breath catches in his throat. "Yeah, baby. We're both here."  
  
"I knew you'd come for me," she tells us. She sounds so tired and weak.  
  
"We're here," I repeat in a whisper. "You rest. We're not going anywhere."  
  
"I am.tired." She's such a fighter.  
  
"Then sleep. When you wake up, we'll be here."  
  
She says nothing more. She's already asleep.  
  
Jed kneels beside the bed and I take a step backward.  
  
I'm in a room with two of the people I love most.  
  
And I feel so incredibly alone.  
  
TBC 


	16. Chapter 16

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (16/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from. This chapter will be  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From Abbey's POV)  
  
Zoey's eyes flutter for a moment. "Daddy? Mom?"  
  
Jed's breath catches in his throat. "Yeah, baby. We're both here."  
  
"I knew you'd come for me," she tells us. She sounds so tired and weak.  
  
"We're here," I repeat in a whisper. "You rest. We're not going anywhere."  
  
"I am.tired." She's such a fighter.  
  
"Then sleep. When you wake up, we'll be here."  
  
She says nothing more. She's already asleep.  
  
Jed kneels beside the bed and I take a step backward.  
  
I'm in a room with two of the people I love most.  
  
And I feel so incredibly alone.  
  
(JOHN'S POV)  
  
There was no way in hell I was waiting in the White House. It was awkward enough for me in that building when I was actually employed there.  
  
Now, it causes my blood to simmer with anger at how close I was to it all.  
  
One week. Damn it! I missed my shot by one week. And all for a woman who was no where near worth losing the presidency.  
  
I am a man of action. Waiting idly by is not my strong suit. So, when I got the chance, I dashed over here to the hospital. Considering right now the First Daughter is missing, my fifteen minutes of infamy are temporarily on hold--so it wasn't too much of a challenge.  
  
Other than a bathroom, there is only once place in a hospital that a person can get even a semblance of privacy.  
  
The chapel.  
  
I admit that I'm not a terribly religious man. Some people refer to what I am as an "E and C practitioner".Easter and Christmas.  
  
Oh yes, and then there's that adultery business. Guess you can call those two strikes against me.  
  
I never said I was perfect.  
  
I open the door to the chapel, praying that the walls won't tumble down around me.  
  
But, it looks like another prayer is answered, instead.  
  
Abbey is kneeling at the makeshift altar. I stand perfectly still and just watch.  
  
"Dear Lord," she begins. "Thank you for bringing Zoey back to us. Help her to recover quickly. I know it will not be easy, but You have blessed her with a strong will and spirit."  
  
She pauses for a moment. I want to speak to her, but I can't think of a single thing to say. I look downward, almost ashamed to be eavesdropping on such a private conversation.  
  
"I don't know what else to do. I know I am not as devout as Jed is.I never have been. But, I have always been grateful for what You have given to us. But now.I can't find a way to get rid of the hurt.the anger bottled up inside. So many promises have been broken. There is so much distance between us. You told us to 'turn the other cheek'. I just feel that I have done that so much, that there is no where left to turn."  
  
Her voice breaks.a crack in the stone wall that is Abbey Bartlet.  
  
"The anger is consuming me, God.and I feel myself pulling away from my husband."  
  
My eyes fly back toward her.  
  
"Please give me a sign that everything will be ok."  
  
Finally, I feel able to move my feet. Almost silently, I walk up behind her and rest my hand on her shoulder.  
  
With an involuntary scream, she recoils from me.  
  
"I'm sorry, Abbey," I say reassuringly. "I didn't mean to interrupt you."  
  
She is looking at me with an intensity that is unmistakably her own. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to.I came to pray for Zoey." Liar. "I had no idea you'd be here." Well, at least that's the truth. That was just a bonus.  
  
"I thought I asked you to wait at the White House."  
  
I can almost feel my eyes darken. "I couldn't. I'm sorry. Not with Glen Walken sitting in the Oval Office."  
  
"Oh, of course," she says more gently now. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that."  
  
Abbey is still kneeling and images that I shouldn't even be thinking of right now are coursing through my brain. I look away from her, trying to get a hold of myself.  
  
"You said you came to pray?" She sounds hopeful.  
  
"Um.yeah."  
  
She holds out her hand. "Pray with me, John."  
  
Who am I to argue?  
  
I kneel beside her and watch as she bends her head in prayer. I am grateful that she has closed her eyes. She can't watch me watching her that way.  
  
She prays in silence.  
  
For the first time in a while, I pray, too.  
  
I give God thanks for making me privy to Abbey's struggle. I can help her now.  
  
And, I ask God to forgive all my sins-both in the past and for the ones I am to make in the future.  
  
You see, I see Him winding up at the plate for the mother of all throws.  
  
I'm no Bible scholar, but wanting another man's wife is a pretty big pitch.  
  
And it's not a pitch I plan to miss.It may be a strike in His eyes.  
  
But in mine, I know I'll hit a home run.  
  
TBC 


	17. Chapter 17

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (17/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From John's POV)  
  
She prays in silence.  
  
For the first time in a while, I pray, too.  
  
I give God thanks for making me privy to Abbey's struggle. I can help her now.  
  
And, I ask God to forgive all my sins-both in the past and for the ones I am to make in the future.  
  
You see, I see Him winding up at the plate for the mother of all throws.  
  
I'm no Bible scholar, but wanting another man's wife is a pretty big pitch.  
  
And it's not a pitch I plan to miss.It may be a strike in His eyes.  
  
But in mine, I know I'll hit a home run.  
  
(LEO'S POV)  
  
I should be back at the White House helping Glen.President Walken.  
  
Yeah, if ever a phrase made an alcoholic want to drink, that one would do it.  
  
So, as all good leaders do, I delegated Josh to handle things back at the office for a while. I'm sure I'll pay for that sometime in the future.  
  
My first duty is supposed to be to the office of the president. That is very clear.  
  
However, I go against my duty and stick with my loyalty-not to the office, but to the man.  
  
President Bartlet.Jed.needs me.  
  
God, that sounds so arrogant. Maybe it's I who needs him. As hot headed and emotional as the man can be, he has this uncanny ability to remain cool at the most opportune moments.  
  
Zoey's return is a blessing, and I think that Jed knew all along that she would be found. Yes, he had doubts. I could see words of his past coming back to haunt him. He wouldn't share, in detail, the story he told Zoey, but as a father of a daughter myself, I can easily imagine the tale he wove.  
  
It wasn't pretty.  
  
Zoey will recover. She's a combination of her parents: from Jed she has her compassion and her determination; from Abbey she has her quiet, yet fierce inner strength. The best of the both of them.  
  
Right now, the only way I see the best of Jed and Abbey is through their daughter. On their own, they are wrecking their marriage.  
  
I am not a marriage counselor, and I know Jed well enough to say that if I tried, he'd kick my ass. I suppose that's fair. I wouldn't let him help me with Jenny.  
  
But, Jenny and I were different. Oh, I loved her.hell, truth be told, I still do. But, I had wrecked my marriage, my entire relationship with Jenny, because of a vice I couldn't control. First, it was my alcoholism. Ultimately, though, it was my addiction to my job that clinched it. I wouldn't leave my job, or my friends, even though I knew I would lose my wife.  
  
And, I won't leave them now.  
  
"Leo will know what to do." I've heard that so many times within the past twenty-four hours, I can almost believe it.  
  
Then, I think of Jed and Abbey. And, I realize that I just don't know how to fix this. I wish to God that this time I knew what to do.  
  
The only thing I can think of right now is to do take a page from Jed Bartlet's playbook: I head for the hospital chapel.  
  
It comes as no surprise that I see a detail outside the doors. Abbey is here.  
  
But, lo and behold, there is a surprise waiting behind the door after all.  
  
John Hoynes. Kneeling beside the First Lady.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" I bellow. Yeah, my voice is not appropriate for my environment.it just sort of came out that way.  
  
John is up like the little jackrabbit he is. Abbey remains in her place by the altar.  
  
"Leo, have some respect," John replies coolly. "You are in a house of God."  
  
You wouldn't know a house of God.."At the most, it's a guest room of His house, John."  
  
This causes Abbey to rise. "Boys, cut the crap!"  
  
The woman has always had a way of summing things up. "Abbey.I didn't realize you were here," I cover.  
  
John indicates the door. "You didn't see her detail outside? And here I thought you were a man of detail, Leo." John's smiling. I'm not at all sure why, because right now, I don't find a damn thing funny.  
  
"My mind is a little preoccupied, John. You know with things like work at the White House." I'm as cool as the Arctic, in spite of the fact that I have an overwhelming desire to use the training I got for hand to hand combat in Vietnam.  
  
"I SAID CUT THE CRAP!" Abbey booms.  
  
This time, the aforementioned detail makes a hasty entrance into the room. Immediately, Abbey holds her hand up.  
  
"It's fine, it's fine," she indicates.  
  
The agent nods and departs. She folds her arms and glares at the two of us. "Leo, what is the problem?"  
  
The problem? Ever hear of the serpent in the Garden of Eden? While this may not be Paradise, I know a snake when I see one.  
  
Abbey steps toward me deliberately. "Jed is upstairs with Zoey. I have enough on my plate, so whatever else is going on, I don't want to hear it."  
  
"Can I get you anything?" John asks. Since when did he become her bodyman?  
  
"No. I am capable of getting a cup of coffee. I need to take a walk." Then, she was gone.  
  
And I'm alone with him.  
  
He must sense my suspicion, because he starts for the door. Despite his definite height advantage, I manage to stop him with a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Can I help you?" he questions.  
  
"As a matter of fact, you can, John."  
  
He stands there and stares at me. "Ok."  
  
"Why the sudden interest in Abbey Bartlet?"  
  
"I have no idea what you are talking about." He tries for the door again. Once more, I restrain him.  
  
"You have always been a terrible liar, John. Don't try to improve now."  
  
A crooked grin slides across his lips. "Oh yes, that's right. You know all about top notch liars. Your boss is one of the best. He's become a real master."  
  
I shut my eyes. When I open them, I notice a distinct burning sensation in my hand and I notice that John Hoynes is on the floor. Damn, as much as that hurt, if felt almost as good as having a drink.  
  
"You son of a bitch," he seethes at me.  
  
I stand over "Stay away from the President. And, most of all, stay away from Abbey."  
  
John gets up and brushes himself off, almost out of instinct, rather than need. "For once, Leo, why don't you let Jed fight his own battles."  
  
"My job is to prevent those battles from happening."  
  
"I have no intention to battle, Leo," he sighs.  
  
"That's good, John. I don't know exactly what you are after. But, you will lose. I guarantee it."  
  
"You know, a cup of coffee does sound pretty good right now," he comments dryly and turns to leave.  
  
"How about you put some brandy in that coffee, John?"  
  
He stops cold and looks at me. "Encouraging a recovering alcoholic drink? Well, that's a new low, even for you, Leo."  
  
"I do what I can."  
  
John, apparently tired of our little discussion, finally leaves.  
  
What worries me most is that in the story of the Garden of Eden, Paradise was lost.  
  
And all because a serpent tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit.  
  
God, I pray that there's a different ending to this story.  
  
TBC 


	18. Chapter 18

Title: Was it Worth it in the End? (18/?) Author: Marie Rossiter (writermarie2002@yahoo.com) Pairing: Jed/Abbey, Abbey/Hoynes (friendship.) Genre: Angst (yeah, I know, big shocker) Rating: R (language, some sexual situations) Legal stuff: Not mine. Please don't sue Feedback: Could really use it. Author Note: I'm going to be changing POVs around a little in the upcoming chapters. I will clearly delineate whose POV I am writing from.  
  
PREVIOUSLY..(From Leo's POV)  
  
John, apparently tired of our little discussion, finally leaves.  
  
What worries me most is that in the story of the Garden of Eden, Paradise was lost.  
  
And all because a serpent tempted Eve with the forbidden fruit.  
  
God, I pray that there's a different ending to this story.  
  
JED'S POV  
  
"Mr. President!!"  
  
No matter how many of these things I do, I still don't particularly care for them. Tonight is a little different, because for once, I have good news to share with the press.  
  
"Can you give us details of Zoey's condition?" a reporter calls out.  
  
CJ warned me that I should do this now. I'm tired. I'm frayed. One of these days I'll listen to CJ. She's a smart woman.  
  
"First," I begin as authoritatively as I can, "Let me thank all of you and all of the people who prayed for Zoey's safe return. As for her condition, I can happily say that she is here merely for observation. Considering what she endured, one night in the hospital is not a bad trade off. She is resting comfortably."  
  
"But, Mr. President, what of her ordeal? What can you tell us?"  
  
I jump in immediately. I need to nip this in the bud. "While I'm sure you are all eager for the details, I hope that you understand that Zoey needs some time to just recover. To be quite honest with you, I didn't even ask her about the details. This is a highly personal issue, folks. We all need to respect my daughter's privacy, hm?"  
  
A brief awkward silence fills the room that the hospital so graciously allowed us to convert into a remote Press Office.  
  
Another reporter raises her hand and I nod in her direction. "Go Ahead."  
  
"President Bartlet, where is Mrs. Bartlet? There were reports last evening that she was having a hard time coping with this. Why isn't she with you right now?"  
  
I look over and see Leo standing next to CJ. His eyes are widening with concern, and he pulls CJ down to whisper in her ear.  
  
For a moment, I am pulled out of the moment. I feel a sense of confusion, almost panic.  
  
Where is Abbey?  
  
"Mrs. Bartlet is fine," I hear CJ announce, stepping back next to me. "This has been a trying ordeal for both the President and Mrs. Bartlet." Her voice is clipped. "The last I knew, Mrs. Bartlet was trying to get some well deserved rest. As for the details of Zoey Bartlet's ordeal, you guys know damn well there is still an investigation that is ongoing. If there is something new, we'll let you know. Until then, that's a full lid. Go home, get some rest.it's been a long few days."  
  
Leo is now next to me and leading me in a way that looks gentle, but I assure you, his grip is a little firmer than I enjoy. When we are out of the room and alone, I turn to him.  
  
"Hey, Mr. Death Grip, mind letting go?"  
  
Leo lets go almost as harshly as he held me. "Do you know where your wife is?"  
  
My mind starts racing again. "CJ said." I begin.  
  
"I didn't ask you that! Do YOU know where she is?"  
  
What is he so pissed about? "What's eating you?"  
  
CJ quickly enters the room and shuts the door behind her. "Mind keeping it down? These walls are a little thinner than at the White House."  
  
Leo looks ready to burst. "I asked a simple question, Jed. Where is she?"  
  
Jed? "You're calling me Jed now?" I ask.  
  
Leo spins toward CJ. "Do you know where she is?"  
  
CJ sighs. "I think she went upstairs. That was the last I saw her."  
  
I fold my arms in front of me. "What's the big deal, Leo? I didn't know I had to have Abbey attached to my hip."  
  
Leo throws his arms up and turns around, putting his back toward me. CJ clears her throat. "I think what Leo is trying to say, albeit not so well, is that it was kind of expected that you and Mrs. Bartlet would appear together."  
  
"Since when do you care about appearances?" I question Leo.  
  
"I care when the First Daughter is rescued from a terrorist group that kidnapped her and the nation is waiting with bated breath to see a happy family. Of course, with you, that is a little too much to ask."  
  
What the..  
  
"Leo." This time, however, I don't sound curious. Now, I'm getting irritated.  
  
CJ goes over to Leo. "Leo.I think you need to calm down a little."  
  
"You know that I don't butt into your personal business," he starts to reply.  
  
"Since when?" I challenge.  
  
"Oh, that's just great.I stay out of your life with Abbey. I don't play marriage counselor. That is one thing that is NOT in my job description."  
  
"Your job description never seemed to stop you before from doing things."  
  
Leo is now right in my face. "Ok, you're too busy playing word games to listen to me seriously. That's just fine. I hope you can stop long enough to hear this. Get your house in order, SIR."  
  
He storms out. I haven't seen him like this in ages.  
  
"CJ?"  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Do you what's up his ass?"  
  
CJ looks down. "Well."  
  
"Claudia."  
  
"The last time you and I started down this road, we were in Manchester and I ended up yelling at you."  
  
"Well, to be clear, you weren't yelling at me about that." I sigh. "I started with you about not being a marriage counselor and then you told me you were going to resign..."  
  
"Sir."  
  
"And then I started giving you all these reasons why we need you.and they were good reasons by the way."  
  
"Sir."  
  
"Next thing I know, you're barking at me about lecturing you." I look at her. "Not many people get away with yelling at me, you know."  
  
"Are you going to listen now?"  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
CJ bites her lip. "You and the First Lady have been through Hell. Leo, who is usually not big at all about broadcasting your relationship or personal lives, thought it would be good for the two of you to be together."  
  
I relax my defensive stance, now placing my hands in my pockets. "Ok.Well, when you grabbed me about the press conference, I just figured."  
  
"You didn't even ask where she was, sir. And, time was tight.I didn't have time to play hide and seek to find her."  
  
I didn't ask?  
  
"What did Leo mean.Get my house in order?" I wonder aloud.  
  
"That's not for me to say, sir. I need to get back to work."  
  
I don't say anything as I consider what has been said.  
  
"Mr. President?"  
  
"I'm not the president anymore, remember?" I remind, sounding slightly bitter.  
  
"Sir," she persists. "I'm extremely happy that Zoey is back."  
  
I look at her and she has a soft, but concerned smile. "Thank you, CJ."  
  
She nods and leaves me alone.  
  
Get my house in order..  
  
I open the door and see Ron standing outside, talking a group of agents.  
  
"Ron?" I call to him.  
  
"Yes, sir?" He comes up to me.  
  
"I thought you'd be at the White House with the president," I comment.  
  
His eyes narrow and flash determination. "I'm with you, sir.I'm with the investigation.How can I help you?"  
  
I give a tired smile. "Do you know where the First Lady.I mean, do you know where Mrs. Bartlet is?"  
  
"I think she was heading back to the Residence to rest and change. That was the last I heard."  
  
"Oh.well, ok.I think I'll go back upstairs and see Zoey. Thanks Ron."  
  
"Of course, sir. "  
  
I head over to the elevator, which is surrounded by agents. Poor hospital and staff. We've invaded.  
  
When the doors open, I see that Leo is there.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I ask him, stepping in.  
  
He doesn't even look at me. "Going to visit Zoey."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Sir." Leo starts.  
  
"Back to sir now?"  
  
"Do you ever stop?" He's exasperated.  
  
"Get my house in order?" I throw back.  
  
"That's right, sir."  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"I don't think I should have to spell it out to the man who has the Ph.d and Nobel Prize.."  
  
I sigh. My turn to be exasperated. "I'm sorry about the news conference."  
  
"I don't give a shit about that."  
  
"Then what, Leo?"  
  
"You, Jed. I care about you and Abbey."  
  
"Hell, so do I."  
  
Finally, he looks at me. "Do you?"  
  
I'm stunned that he would even ask me that. "Of.of course I do."  
  
The elevator bell rings indicating we've arrived. The doors open and Leo heads right for the doors.  
  
"Then, get your house in order, Jed. Before someone else takes care of it." He doesn't look back and walks to Zoey's room.  
  
I'm left in the elevator. I hold the door open so I can step out onto the floor. The doors close behind me.  
  
And a feeling of dread and uneasiness once again starts to take hold.  
  
TBC 


End file.
